Satan Has a Six-Pack? Smite Me

This week I have another special guest, Scooby!

Like I said in my last recap/review, I felt really satisfied and fulfilled by Episode 9 and I just knew that nothing could live up to it. Taking that into account, I really enjoyed New World in My View. After such a dark, emotionally heart wrenching episode, it was great to have something that was so funny, comic relief. It did feel a bit like ‘The Scouring of the Shire,’ but I expected that and they presented the episode in such a fun way I just had to enjoy it. It was such a blast and such a laugh. Sure, it was 10 minutes shorter and I felt cheated by that, but I still had fun.

The best thing about the episode was probably Sam, Andy and Jason Versus Zombie Terry and the entire town. It was hilarious. It was what made the episode for me. It was SO Shawn of the Dead, one of my favourite movies of all time, so there will be LOTS of references to Shawn as well as Hot Fuzz. I also loved the dream sequence. It showed us more than ever that Eric and Sookie have a deep emotional connection and that it’s not about sex, it’s about true intimacy, trust and companionship. Sure, for my shipper side, it was the best thing about the episode…but overall, it has to be the Three Musketeers. The Zombie scenes had more importance to the episode and made more of an impact. The dream sequence is about a long term impact…but had little importance in the episode itself.

I’m not sure if I like Sookie’s new superpowers at all. Sure, it’s Alan Ball’s world, but Charlaine was always vehement that telepathy was the only power Sookie would have. It just seems rather convenient to all of a sudden give Sookie new powers and it sort of turns me off, because the whole point about Sookie is that she’s completely normal and unassuming, save her ‘disability,’ her telepathy, so for her to suddenly have more powers…it’s like, I lose some of my relatability to her. Not that I relate to her generally though lol. At least not during the Crazy!B-Polar!PMS! moments that are like WTF.

Bill is like epic fail. Sookie makes a logical decision. Let’s call the Sheriff of our area, who should probably know about the shit hitting the fan, is your superior and a thousand years old. He probably knows what to do. What does Bill do? Oh, he is SOOOO not turning to Eric. He’s letting his jealousy over Sookie cloud his judgment and his logic. How far is Shreveport from Bon Temps? One hour. If you’re driving at human speed. You can make the trip and solve lots of problems in one night. How far is New Orleans from Bon Temps? It’s oh, four and a half to five or six hours driving at human speed. I’ve also been told that there’s no interstate in Louisiana that connects the north to the south…so baring that in mind, a LOOOOONG ass time. If Bill actually cared about Sookie’s safety over the need to possess her, he would call Eric. However, he’s more concerned with keeping Sookie as his, so he instead makes an even LONGER trip to New Orleans to see the queen. To top it all off, the chemistry between Sookie and Bill is like watching a dead animal flailing in the wind with its organs spewing out…Not to mention, I felt like Stephen Moyer was overacting many of his scenes.
Amen Sister…I would totally have to agree that Steven Moyer overacts and the chemistry is just not there considering their real life status.

Anyway, on to the recap!

Sookie walks down a long hallway, the hotel’s hallway. It sorta Matrix…I guess they dim the lights during the day, since the guests are all sleeping. Unlike they do at night here downtown. OMG! NO ONE IS IN THE BUILDING AND YOUR LIGHTS ARE STILL ON! I can see this because it’s dark and your stupid lights are still on! What is wrong with you? I swear, they hate the environment. I think it has something to do with the amount of oil pumped out of this province…

Where could Sookie be going? She’s going to Eric, right? Right!?
RIGHT?!?!

She enters an open door…hmmm…with a flickering fire…Speaking of fire, in the books, Eric is described as warm and fiery and Bill is always described as cool and cold.
Go figure why Eric is the beloved character from the books and Bill is second best.

Asl;fkakljajisdfh!!!! She’s going to comfort Eric! W00T! Eric has very nice sides. Apparently he is too sexy for his shirt. If someone would like to make me an icon with that image, I will be VERY pleased.
Cue the music…”I’m too sexy for my shirt…too sexy it hurts”

Eric is clearly in a state as Sookie approaches him. I really loved the theme, but I don’t think it’s an Eric/Sookie love theme. It’s more about Eric’s angst more than anything. It reminds me a lot of Opeth because of how much movement is in it. That song in Eric’s bath also reminded me of Opeth…It’s time I mention before I forget…that the theme playing during this part, the guitar and the melody, really reminds me of ‘Dead Boy’s Poem’ by Nightwish. I think it’s the chord structure lol. Listening to “Black Velveteen” by Lenny Kravitz the other day, I realized the beats sound the same as Eric’s Fangtasia club music.
You’re speaking foreign to me again Simba. 🙂

I included the video…

He’s been crying so much, his tears are all over his chest and body. He’s too out of it to wipe his eyes. It is at this time, I’d like to thank Eric for his forethought. He can’t ruin a black shirt, after all! A black shirt is saved!
He’s so sad…I can comfort him better than Sookie.

‘Godric is gone.’ Aww. You can see all the pain in his eyes that are still glassy and hear it in his voice. Great acting. You know exactly all that he has lost, his complete devastation and all that he must feel. His heart is broken. He’s pretty much lost his everything. All that he wants is Stillness of Heart, so he can start to find his way out of the dark and into her heart.
Again, I could comfort him better than Sookie.

‘I know, I’m so sorry.’
Seriously? That’s the best you can come up with? That’s such a cliche answer when someone is grieving.

Alexander Skarsgard is really just selling Eric’s complete and utter grief. He’s so raw and hurt, he can barely react and Sookie has reached out and touched him, initiating contact. This is weird…but I’ll roll with it.
She seems so sincere in her concern you almost wonder if it is really happening. I would have to give both Alexander and Anna props for their acting in this scene. But I could still comfort him better. 😉

I think Eric is a little surprised too…
Ya think?

She kisses his cheek. I just have to say that Alexander Skarsgard’s facial expressions are just amazing.
huh yea

…And his other cheek too. Like she’s blessing him. And then she lingers.
This is where the scene lost me, like really?

Me too. I just sorta rolled with it like…I’m rollin’.

It looks like Eric is surprised a human would show such compassion towards him.

She’s about to pull away, but Eric takes her hand. He doesn’t want her to leave.

He needs her.

They kiss real slow, it’s about comforting Eric. Sookie can relate to Eric’s grief. When he’s kissing back, it’s almost like he’s crying again. She knows how he must feel losing Godric, because it’s like her losing her Gran. They both lost their parental figure. It’s something that they can bond over. There’s a LOT of chemistry and despite it all, it’s pretty hot. This is all kind of strange, but I’ll go with it, you know?
They were so great in this scene. I was enthralled.

Eric lays her down on his bed.
I’m picturing myself here…

He bares his fangs to her, showing her who he is, a vampire.
Like the hyenas saying “Mufasa”, its omnious.

Sookie doesn’t run.

She’s not afraid.

In a very symbolic move, she runs her fingers over his fangs. It’s representative of her accepting who Eric is, that he is a brutal, violent, manipulative vampire, but that he is also capable of love and being a good person, that he feels. He’s also human. She’s seen both sides of him accepts those two sides to him.
How could you not accept him? He’s so raw and passionate, it’s unbelievable.

This part totally reminds me of Beauty and the Beast.

She bares her neck to Eric, showing her trust. Also interestingly, she’s offering him her blood. Last episode, we saw that Eric wanted to die, in this episode, Sookie wants him to live, she offers him life, her blood. She wants to heal him. Eric lets her control it. He doesn’t go in for the bite until she offers him her neck. That’s respect.
So hot.

But it’s only a dream! Well, the Nightwish link works now lol. Oh well…one thing’s for sure, Sookie’s dreams about Eric aren’t purely about sex. Her dreams of Eric are of something more. They’re about a true relationship. Her last dream was about love and companionship, this dream is about comforting, trust, acceptance and compassion. Unlike her dreams of Bill, they’re much more meaningful. Hell, her dreams about Eric are more meaningful than her actual relationship with Bill. There is intimacy with Eric, true intimacy. She and Bill just do not have the level of trust, understanding and communication that she has with Eric in her dreams. In her most recent dream, Dream!Eric is much more akin to Real!Eric, it’s not an idealized version. Not only that, she sees him hurting and WANTS to comfort him. She wants to be there for him. Subconsciously, that was what she wanted to do for him. Eric is becoming more and more real to her. That’s important.

Or is it all just a dream?

Wanna know my theory? I think Sookie really DID go to Eric after Godric died and met the sun. I think that up to a point, her dream was a memory and only part of it was really a dream. Her mind expanded her memory and revealed what she really wanted to do, because let’s face it, once she started kissing him it was really WTF. lol.

And I can prove it! Bring on CSI: Skate!

Sookie’s dream sequences have a softer appearance. A sort of glow or fuzziness.

When you compare it to other caps in the same episode, it’s very obvious that it’s not as crisp.

Look at how crisp these two images are in comparison to the dream sequence, it’s obvious that it’s not as clear. Pay attention to the crispness and focus of the hair and the lines of the body. Hell, even the image with a ton of dust and debris is more crisp than the dream…

Now, I haven’t been a fan of all of Sookie’s clothing choices this season, but you really have to thank whoever choose a dress with a pink plaid pattern. It makes things all the more apparent. Pay attention to the plaid!

Notice how crisp the pattern is here, when she just comes in to see Eric.

….And also when she says she’s sorry.

Now compare it to when she starts kissing him. Dream Glow!

More Dream Glow!

SO much Dream Glow she looks like she’s floating!

And finally Symbolic Dream Glow!

Replay the scene and you too can spot when exactly the Dream Glow forms. It’s apparent that there’s a basis in reality to her dream, so I do think she saw Eric grieve and offered her condolences. However some things, like touching his fangs and offering him her neck, that’s when it was obvious that it was a dream, because those events were more symbolic, just as a dream would be. It’s her subconscious telling her things about Eric. Secondly, why show a scene about Eric’s grief only for it to never have happened? It seems kinda pointless in terms of storytelling. This isn’t Lost where BTW, Charlie’s dead! and after one episode, we’re playing Horseshoes. We got to see Sookie grieve for her Gran, hell, still grieve in Season Two, so why should Eric losing Godric, who was just a big a person to him as Sookie’s Gran, not warrant that? We only get to see about two weeks go by this season…so every minute should count…It seems like a waste of Alexander Skarsgard’s acting for it to all just be a dream and not amount to anything. It also wastes time because Eric and Sookie’s relationship doesn’t move forward…I don’t think Eric is controlling or manipulating her dreams about him either. I mean…FFS, he’s grieving, he’s lost his father, brother and son and his first thought is to use that to manipulate Sookie’s dreams? I think he’s thinking about Godric right now and couldn’t give two shits about stealing Sookie away from Bill at the mo’…but that’s just me.

I would also like to say that calling this episode ‘New World in My View’ is significant. Sookie’s view on Eric has completely shifted. She no longer sees him as just a manipulative jerk. She sees more in him. She knows this too, she witnessed his reaction to Godric’s death. She knows that he feels things just as deeply as she does. She was wrong about him, he is capable of love and doing something good. Finally, what is up with Eric being pinky and Bill being dead and gaunt? Is it Bill’s diet, because it really isn’t doing him any favours except making me go…eww…It doesn’t make him look good or desirable. And it seems like it’s only this season too…Weird.

‘What are you dreaming about?’ Yes, indeed, Sookie. What are you dreaming about?

‘Bill.’ Oh how tacky, still dreaming about another guy when your boyfriend is inches away from you. LOL. I guess Bill is in the AnuBus travel coffin.
All I could think was “Liar, liar, pants on fire.” Yea childish, but whatever.

There she is…trying to cling to Bill again. It’s what she wants, right? It’s who she loves, right? Oh and Eric’s blood is still making Sookie’s wardrobe look good. Miracle No. 3! Sweet!

‘This kinda reminds me of that bus ride back from All-State. Nothing looks exactly the way I left it. You know what I mean?‘ Well, with your coach accepting the job at TMU being announced just before your final game…

‘I’ve never been away before.’ OH. So she really is a country bumpkin…that explains it…sigh…’Something seems different to me though.’

Oh look, the town is trashed and the fire alarm is going off, but no one cares!
Sorry I laughed at the sign. The picture in the sign was just too funny to pass up the chuckle.

Oh look! It’s a headbanger! Woo!
I wonder what music was playing in his head? He had great rhythm.

They have now committed a vehicular collision. Apparently THEY ran into US. Yeah right! Well…okay fine, given the crazies, they ran into you.
That was an awful lot of damage for them to just get up and walk away from.

Maryann makes them invincible?

They get out of the car. Yes, Bill really IS in a coffin inside a hearse, an AnuBus hearse. Symbolic! OOOOH.

They try to see if the two people are okay…‘What’s wrong with your eyes, man?’

They’re not. ‘We gotta find Sam!’ ‘It’s almost time, man!’

Can I get a ‘What the fuck?’
WTF!!!!

Time for True Blood!

OMG! It’s a meatpole! And it’s shaped like a giant bull’s head…
Really? You think it looks like a bull’s head? I thought it was supposed to look like the statue thing from Sam’s flashback.

Jeez. Feed the poor, not the bugs…
No kidding, right?

‘What do you think?’ ‘I think you’ve outdone yourself.’ Well, they never taught me how to make a giant meatpole/sacrifice thingy in Arts and Crafts at camp…

‘Would you like some roadkill?’ ‘Feathers! Perfection!’ Suuuuurrre…
Because feathers mean what exactly?

Maryann needs more meat on her meatpole. Yes it is phallic. ‘Five more pounds of ground chuck?’
How would you get ground chuck to stick?

What on earth is chuck? I thought he said char…you know, the fish?

Maryann is NOT impressed with the chuck. This is a MEATPOLE FFS. MEAT. NOT FISH. MEAT. ‘Think about who this is for. Let’s aim higher.’ Eggs is SOOO Frankenann’s Monster now.

‘Corn fed kobe it is.’ I don’t think the Lakers would be very happy…OH. Well, that’s just a waste of good beef.
ROFLMAO, Kobe on a stick.

‘You’re finally getting it, Karl.’ Aww, you’ve made Mama happy!

Aww, shucks! Mommy wuvs her wittle manservant…I kinda missed Karl.

Maryann wants more, more more! More expensive meat! Organs! Kidneys, livers! Anything. If it’s considered meat, and that used to breathe and that’s expensive, bring it!

‘You want us to go kill something, so it’s extra fresh?’ Frankenann’s monster obeys very nicely, he’s rather enthusiastic too. He’s like they Hyenas from The Lion King. Banzai. He speaks, so he can’t be Ed and Shenzi is smarter…

Oh little minion, do you worry your wittle brain, I’ve got a live sacrifice coming soon!

Sam is hiding out at Andy’s hotel room wearing Andy’s clothes. Andy’s clothes is getting a lot of mileage from other characters this season…
Yet considering the difference in size they seem to fit Sam.

Someone is coming, who could it be?
Cue music again…”Who could it be now?”

It’s just Andy.

He says he’s had no problems, but Sam still checks his eyes.

He’s got no bug eyes, just a hangover…Greaaattt…Police station? What police station? Apparently Andy’s not the bad cop. He didn’t leave the cells open…lol.

Andy brings out the booze as Sam changes…in the same room. Homoerotic much…Apparently the whole town’s gone crazy, it’s like New York, with the graffiti everywhere and stuff.

Sam has no clue how they’re gonna deal with a maenad.

Andy doesn’t even remember what that is. He’s been…hitting the bottle hard. Dude can’t even button his shirt correctly.
Did this annoy anyone else as much as it annoyed me?

Yes, Andy, Maryann is behind it all, including Miss Jeanette in your car. Wasn’t that a nice little gift? Oh and she killed Daphne too.

‘We got another serial killer.’ What is the likelihood of that happening in a small town as much as it does in Bon Temps? Apparently you might have more luck avoiding serial killers if you go to New York….Sheesh.

‘Andy, listen. She is a supernatural creature and she’s immortal. She has powers and she’s not leaving til she gets what she wants, which I think is me.’
I think immortal had too many syllables for Andy to understand.

‘I think to cut out my heart while a bunch of naked people watch.’ Plus, eat some Coeur de Samuel. Oh and make an offering to Dionysus or Satan or a god with horns…great…

‘And people thought I was crazy because I said I saw a pig.’ LOL, Oh Andy.
LOL

Sam tells Andy that the pig was a minion. ‘If what you say is true, then we need to kill that bitch.’

‘She don’t die, remember.’
Again, immortal went over Andy’s head.

Sam gets a call from Arlene…Uh oh!

She’s at Merlotte’s and she’s afraid that the mob is coming for her next! Sam doesn’t want to help because Arlene was involved in all this, but she’s scared off her shit and that bitch might come after her kids! OH NOES! Sam decides to come. He’s fucked, because we never saw Arlene’s eyes…OOOH.
If only Sam could see what we saw.

Over at Bill’s, Jason reports the pedestrian collision, only to find it’s an answering machine. No, you will not be finding out what the fuck is going on. Answering machine!
The answering machine at the police station should have been the cue that something was seriously wrong with the town, but Jason the ditz was oblivious.

Sookie tells Bill that she can feel that something is seriously wrong in Bon Temps. No shit.
Because the funky eyes weren’t enough…Sookie can FEEL something out of place.

This takes wrongness to a whole other level.‘Well, if it ain’t the vamper and his vamper lover.’
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

W

T

F

‘Thank God you’re home, she’s gone totally batshit!’ I’m guessing she had no clue when the AnuBus transport was coming and much less the plane…etc…

Cue Bill jumping to conclusions again.
Bill’s an IDIOT!!

‘First I thought it was a bad reaction to her diet pills…’ I don’t think gourmet speed does that… ‘Then I saw that the entire town’s going around with these eyes.’
Oh Hoyt

She’s been like this since last night. ‘And I will be for as long as it takes for him to get his offering.’ Umm…okaaay. Jason agrees. Apparently she’s been going on and on about Sam and offering him to god…
Why were they referring to him as God though? The Devil has never been referred to as God, wtf!!

Well, he’s not exactly Satan…he’s Bacchus/Dionysus.

‘Why don’t you offer yourself to me, Jason Stackhouse, you dirty little monkey!’ AHHHHHHHHH!!!! *covers eyes*
*covers eyes with gaps in fingers*

Jason’s all ‘ME NOT WANT!’ and Bill does something useful for once and stops Maxine from molesting him. ‘Does she ever calm down?’
What a tool.

‘Playing Wii gets her to focus, but I wouldn’t call it calm…’
YAY for the Wii

Maxine kills some skull bitches. Bill is afraid, very afraid. LMAO. At least Maxine is distracted from Jason’s Wii…
Wouldn’t it be a Wii Wii? 😉

This begs the question why Bill has a Wii game that kills skull bitches. Is this his way of going ‘Humans are our friends and not our food’ and finding another way to channel his inner vampire? By using violent video games?
Maybe he feels like he could actually kill something since he’s such a weakling, irl.

Sookie learns that her house is Crazy!Central with Maryann.

‘They’re gonna rip that boy up and serve him up like barbecue!’ Umm…okaaay.

Moving on…‘Hoyt, has anyone been attacked by something with claws?’
See, who says blondes are stupid?

Hoyt relates that Miss Jeanette had scratches on her back and so did Daphne. Sookie’s can’t tear her eyes away from Maxine’s train wreck.

‘The new waitress at Merlotte’s?’ “Mmmhmm.’

‘There’s a new waitress at Merlotte’s?’ Oh Jason, never change.
ROFLMAO, Jason just makes me laugh.

‘We should talk to her.’ ‘She’s dead.’ Oops. Oh and she had her heart cut out too. One less waitress for Jason to bone. Oh well.
Poor Jason, he’d just be getting Sam’s sloppy seconds anyways.

Jason is going to Merlotte’s to find out what is going on!
Cue Superman theme song.

The Schmoop Twins try to stop Jason. Only Jason isn’t about to let his town be overrun by Zombies!

And he is SOOOO using his head. ‘I never been so clear in my whole life. This here is the war I’ve been training for.’ I thought you trained with a bunch of religious cultists to kill vampires…Well, I guess he does know how to kill cultists…He was in with them and all.

Sookie doesn’t want him to do it, but Bill thinks that Jason has shown his moxie. I guess this is a nod to the male bonding from last ep?
Bill’s trying to get in good with Jason for Sookie.

That too. lol.

Sookie asks Jason to take care of himself. Jason promises he will and walks out the door. Jambo rises again!
See Sookie does care about Jason and vice versa.

‘And where’s Tara?’ Wanna hear a crazy story?

‘She’s been partying pretty hard at Mary–It’s just something that people say, party at Maryann’s!’ Riiiight.
Maryann has a bad habit of turning other people’s things or houses into her own.

Well, that’s our cue to TTYL!

And Hoyt? You are SOOOO not leaving Jessica alone with Maxine…

Sam and Andy scope out the bar.

It seems empty, but Sam can smell them…and hear them too. Cackling…
Good dog.

Arlene shows up and we ALL know her eyes are black! C’mon!

Sam is concerned about her, when he really should be concerned about himself…
It’s a man thing.

Why Arlene is ecstatic, because soon he’ll be getting what’s his! Uh oh.

People crawl out from all crevices of the bar. I guess it really is true what they say about Shifter senses sucking in human form.

The zombies close in on Sam! This is all very…Shawn of the Dead. They start chanting again.

Andy fires some shots into the air, but that just excites them. They like guns.
They like destruction.

Terry grabs Andy’s gun and he starts firing at the booze.

‘At least shoot the cheap liquor! Bottom shelf!’ LOL.
That was classic.

Arm, meet Terry Bellefleur and his Military Skillz Part 2.
Pfft that’s not even military skillz that’s basic self defense.

‘We call this move, stressed inoculation!’

This is what would happen if we ever gave Zack from Gilmore Girls a gun, he shoots the bar, the crest and a guy in the arm. Oops.
Lane would be so upset.

‘Fuck.’

No worries, Terry! It’s all good! What’s a gunshot wound among friends?

While everyone’s laughing…WE’VE GOT RUNNERS!

Sam jumps over the counter, but the zombies grab Andy! This is a time for your old record collection, a pool cue or a cricket bat. How about some Queen? You know, for inspiration.

Sam and Andy lock themselves in the refrigerator. But not before Andy grabs some booze.
That Andy, he’s so resourceful.

How long will they survive in the fridge with the mob outside? They chant again.
Annoying chant.

Terry reaches an epiphany. He’s strangely smart as a zombie.
Moments of clarity.

‘Hold on a sec! We have our EPW right where we want him! And there ain’t no place for him to go. […] It means that we have secured the target.’ It’s too funny that Terry only has all his marbles when he’s a zombie.

‘Mission accomplished!’ LOL! You know what happens when you declare mission accomplished too early…

Terry charges Jane with calling Maryann to pick up Sam. I like assertive Zombie Terry. It’s kinda awesome.

‘We are fucked.’ Yes Andy, so fucked. You can sacrifice Sam like David. He’s kinda annoying.
Oh no’s.

Andy wonders if they should kill them all. Sam tells them that those are their friends and neighbours…Don’t you love it when they go zombie?
Andy Andy Andy…

‘And cousins.’ Right Andy, even when they break your arm…and attempt to break the other one.
Andy meet rock and hard place.

‘We are fucked!’

‘Yes, we are.’ Awww! At least you’re not stuck in a foxhole with Terry.

Meanwhile…Jane decides to call Peanut for a good time.
Jane’s got a one track mind.

Epic Zombie Fail.

Tara is tied up.

She’s running the ‘Poor me, I’m possessed’ route, trying to get Lettie Mae’s sympathy. It’s burning her! *cries*
Were the ropes drenched in holy water?

Lettie Mae is breaking.
Don’t do it Lettie Mae.

‘I told you it’s for her own good. Ours too.’ Go Laffy!
Laffy to the rescue.

Lettie Mae tries to get Tara to tell her what she needs, but gets head butted for her effort.
Serves you right, dummy.

Oops. Reflex.

Tara Mae, you stronger than whatever this is and you know it.’

‘Now get the fuck up out of there!’

Yes, that is spit up in your eyeshadow. Oops.
Eww

Lettie Mae wishes Miss Jeanette were still here, but I don’t think peyote will help… ‘She don’t need a backwards witch, she needs Thorazine and a padded cell.’ LOL.
Oh that Laffy.

Lettie Mae tries using prayer. ‘Bless the Lord with all that is within me. Bless his holy name, who can forget all his benefits, who forgives all your inequities…’

Demons no like prayer!

And the coolest moment of the night? ‘Who heals you of all your diseases, who redeems your life from destruction. Hallelujah God.’
Go Laffy.

‘Jesus and I agreed to see other people. Now that don’t mean we don’t talk from time to time.’ Laffy, you are all kinds of awesome and complex.
HAHAHAHA seeing other people.

Lettie Mae says that Laffy has been good to Tara and that maybe if she hadn’t left such a hole in her, maybe whatever crawled in wouldn’t have.
Yea, it is your fault Lettie Mae but it’s Maryann’s fault more.

Laffy feels guilty for kicking out on her birthday. ‘I was feeling all poor, pitiful me for all this shit I brought on myself. If I wasn’t acting like such a stupid bitch, I would’ve seen trouble coming after her from a mile away and I would’ve handled that shit.’ At least someone realizes problems of their own doing.
Again I say…GO LAFFY!! (feels like a damn cheering squad for Laffy)

‘He’s comin’. He’s on his way. And he’s gonna kill us all!’ Lovely.
Evil Tara is just bad and kind of annoying.

It’s okay…Zombies Ate Her Brain.

Bill and Sookie drive up to the bull’s head. Wouldn’t you love to find that on your front lawn after you’ve been away?
I know I would…I’m twisted like that though.

They don’t know much about that thing, just that it reeks like rotten meat. Go figure.
I would have thought the smell would have been enough to walk away, but alas I was wrong.

Sookie’s house has gone Voodoo! You know, it’s exactly the kind of house you’d imagine a Voodoo priestess to have. I would SOOO kick out Maryann. Remember that Marvel Fairy Tales thing with Rogue and Gambit and Mystique was a Voodoo priestess? This is SOOO that.
Again, I say RUN!!!

She’s brought the outside inside and we’re not talking about those water element things that are SOOO Feng Shui.

Sookie makes a discovery.

Maryann did right by the badly photoshopped picture that won’t go away! It symbolizes a rift between her and Tara.

She calls for Tara but receives no answer…Oh and is that MUD on the walls? Eww, Maryann is such a pig.
Better to be mud than dung.

Sookie gets a phone call from Lafayette. She wants to know where Tara is.

Laffy tells her that Tara is with him. He wants to know where she is.

Why, she’s in her Maryann reno’d house! Don’t you love it? It also makes me want to go ‘DANGER! DANGER!’
Obviously they are oblivious to the redecorating because they’re still standing in the middle of it.

‘Sook, you gon’ have to get out that house now!’ NO shit. Laffy’s more worried about Sookie being in the Voodoo house than he is about Tara at this point…
But do they listen…

Sookie prepares to grab Bill and run as he stares transfixed at the bull head.

Only to be foiled by Maryann. ‘What are you doing in my house?’
UGH.

‘This is NOT your house.’ Whoa…more face pulls than a ballroom dancer…And can you sense Lor-Lor Part 2?
Gotta give Sookie some credit for standing up to the wicked witch of the west.

‘It is now.’ Oh no, she DIDN’T!
She Did, She Did.

‘I strongly suggest you remove yourself immediately!’ *Rolls Eyes* Are you seriously threatening *her*? Honestly Bill, poorly played. She’s obviously beyond some whack job human and you decide to threaten her? Smooth. That was really smart.
Oh I heard Eric’s voice in that scene too saying “Poorly played, Bill.”

‘My my, you’ve found yourself quite the specimen, though I daresay there’s nothing stopping him from one day leaving you cold.’ Anvil No. 1! Foreshadowing, six o’clock!
Her other “specimen” is so much better though.

‘You don’t scare me.’ Remember how her brave girl routine got her in trouble back in Dallas. She don’t learn very quickly.
Learning from prior mistakes is not Sookie’s strong suit.

And we get Provoked Angry Female Part 2!

Sookie gets flashes. She knows Maryann attacked her!
Because Hoyt telling her about the scratches wasn’t enough. Now she’s seen it for herself so it makes everything true.

Bill pulls Maryann off Sookie telling her to go now while he deals with her.
Poor weak Bill. You almost gotta sympathize with the idiot.

He decides to start feeding on Maryann. Now I don’t know about you, but when a woman just bench pressed 120 pounds with one arm and doesn’t look like a ‘roid freak, she ain’t just eating her Wheaties! Smart, Bill.
Again, I say IDIOT.

Maryann is very into this. ‘Yes! Ravage me! Ravage me!’ Ummm…ewww.

Bill gets rabies and starts blowing chunks.
ROFLMAO

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Bill Compton, genius.
YAY Bill!!

As Billdo is having an allergic reaction to maenad on the floor, Maryann takes an interest in Sookie. ‘What are you?’ Oh hey, she even bleeds black. Satanic.

‘None of your business!’

And then the Black Queen gets Face Glow’d a la Jubilee. You know, her special powers are blinding you with fireworks? Some of you call this Miracle No. 4 of Eric’s blood…I don’t buy it, but whatever floats your boat lol.
I think Alan Ball skipped a few books.

Sookie’s all WTF, that was some spectacularly bad special effects. It was like the glowing pink dagger that made a weird teapot noise in Roman Polanski’s Macbeth bad. You know, the Playboy version? That’s the only reason I can come up with for a bunch of naked 80 year old witches. If you think TB orgies are bad…True Blood is DEFINITELY not winning any SFX Emmys anytime soon.

Note to TB, hire the Battlestar Galactica people, they have Emmys and do THIS:

Or maybe the Terminator people. They’re out of jobs. The BSG team are doing Caprica. Oh look, a massive fiery explosion with a flying robot as the T-1001 goes liquid, an electric time cloud…

So like, I don’t know what it is…but I don’t know if I like it. Sookie’s supposed to be a regular girl with one disability, a quirk, not a member of the X-Men. (It took until X3 for Jean, Storm and Rogue all to have nice hair at the same time) It makes us relate better to her when she’s not all of a sudden a super hero. That being said…It could be her fae powers, but that’s just rather…convenient you know? And it’s been hinted at that Sookie and Barry are ‘different.’ So… I also think it could be some sort of telepathic feedback from Sookie’s telepathy. Maenad and telepath don’t mix? Who knows? At this point, it’s early for the fae…
I still think AB skipped a few books to throw this into the mix.

Sookie takes Bill and runs as he retches all the way down.
I don’t know about you, but when I’m that sick, I’m not moving.

Do you have a hungry maenad after you?

‘That was fun! What are you?’
Wouldn’t you like to know?

*Cue insane giggle* I’m thinking the Black Queen wants Sookie for the Hellfire Club a la Phoenix…a really cheap redneck version without the expensive lingerie. Plus, I think she enjoys the Greek/Roman name Selene and the subtitle, La Belle Dame Sans Merci…but you know…

What on earth is driving her?

‘Aren’t you glad I didn’t quit drinking? It’s gonna save our lives.’ Suuuure.

Sam’s feeling guilty because if he had left when he did, none of this would’ve happened. Andy tells him that he’s been real good for Bon Temps, even if he’s a sometimes nudist LOL.
LOL

They begin to realize that people are dying in Bon Temps! Hell, Terry almost shot a guy in the head. Miss Jeanette and now Daphne…if her name really was Daphne. Things aren’t looking good.
Ya think?

He apologizes to Sam because he heard that he and Daphne were close and then relates a story of his nanny named Annie lol. ‘She used to say to me, in the country of the blind, the one eyed man is king. Think she told me that cuz she thought I was blind, but you, you got the burden of being a one eyed man.’ That Sam does, being the only dude who knows about Maryann’s hijinks.

Sam has no idea what he’s talking about and just like that, Andy’s ramblings are nothing more than that of a drunk. Irony. LOL.

As for Andy? He’s not that lucid. He has no idea what he’s talking about either lol.
The drunken mind is a rare specimen.

Meanwhile in the woods, Jambo unveils his weapons! A chainsaw! Prepare for Lost Season Seven! The Zombie Season! I wish Shawn of the Dead had a chain saw.

Jambo infiltrates Merlotte’s!

Merlotte’s has become crazy. People are drinking, having sex and snorting who knows what! Let’s hope it’s not Uncle Keef’s dad…
All I can say is EWWW.

It is not very often you surprise Jason…
Nope not at all.

…but I think licking mustard will. Like eww. At least Lil got her girl on girl action. It still wasn’t very hot though. Sam, it is a good time for a reno of Merlotte’s. Trust me. The economy sucks and renovations get tax exemptions and I so do not want to eat at Merlotte’s right now. Win-win.
HAHAHA

Jason bolts in with a chainsaw but no one seems to care.

They’re all like ‘Alright! Sexy chainsaw music! Ride on!’

Jason saws apart a stereo and part of the bar…The reno has commenced, Sam! ‘AHHHHHHH!!!’ But no one cares that he’s killed a poor defenseless stereo.
Nope they didn’t seem to mind one bit.

But Jason has a plan. He’s got a nail gun. I guess Jason really does think he’s in a Zombie movie…

He holds Arlene hostage with a nail gun. And LOL, someone threw a condom at him.
Symbolism?

‘Yeah, nail her!’ LMAO.
Hh the symbolism.

Arlene is into that too and Jason’s like WTF.

But Zombie Terry loves Zombie Arlene. Awww. ‘Wait, stop! Don’t hurt my special lady!’
Another moment of clarity.

‘Do it! I need a haircut anyway, baby.’ LOL.
HAHAHAHA

Jason’s gonna nail her!
Yea nail her.

‘Time out! Time the fuck out!’ LOL.
TTO (training time out for you non military)

He gets Jason to name his demands. Wow, Terry should could so get a career as a Hostage Negotiator.
Terry is resourceful in his moments of clarity.

Jason wants all of them to leave, leave them alone and then he can have Arlene.

Terry gives the order to retreat, immediately! They got to unfuck this situation at a later date!
Unfuck the situation…LOL

Everyone exits the premises and then the hostage turn over is complete. Jason locks up Merlotte’s and Arlene was really into Military!Terry. It’s sexy.

Meanwhile in the car, Bill is still hacking up his breakfast. ‘Bill?’ ‘I’m alright.’ ‘No, you are not alright! None of this is alright!’ I’m with her there. Clearly you’re not alright when you’re puking out a car like a carsick dog.
And foaming at the mouth.

Rabies, man. It foams.

‘I’m calling Eric.’ ‘I will NOT turn to Eric!’ That was a bit much…Also, what a stupid decision. Clearly, at a time like this, you call your sheriff. Not only that, Eric is a thousand years old to your 150. He’s 7 times older, I’m sure he has a clearer idea of what’s going on due to his experience. However, Bill turns this into a cockfight over Sookie, placing his jealousy over her safety. If he really truly cared about Sookie, he’d call Eric who is the closest help and ally he has in this crisis situation. Bill’s jealousy keeps getting uglier and uglier. Poorly played, Bill.
Poorly played, Bill.

Sookie wants to take Bill to Dr. Ludwig but Bill wants to know what happened with the Glow Hand. Sookie doesn’t know, but she knows that the thing that attacked her in the woods was Maryann. She could feel the scar when she was touching her. ‘I will kill her.’ Again, making threats. It’s so annoying because it’s like…uh huh, yes you can kill her when in Round 1, you recklessly attempted to drain her and are now sitting out with food poisoning. Riiight.
Bill doesn’t learn from his mistakes either.

Sookie wants to know how he’ll attempt this. Bill thinks going to Tara might find some answers since she’s been under Maryann’s control.

‘Give me your wrist so I can heal!’ Well that was rude. He just expects Sookie to put out. Clearly Bill has not been watching Zombie movies. Cross-contamination, duh! Zombies become zombies because bites are contagious and blood is infectious. Duh. Idiot. How does he even know that her blood will heal him from Maryann poisoning? It’s like Eric better not touch Sookie or be around her! What is she? Rogue? If so, hurry up and let’s go to Antarctica for some action. Secondly, what’s with Sookie giving him more blood? I didn’t like it, sure it’s a crisis situation and he needs to heal, but after what happened in Dallas and her knowing about the effects of blood exchange, it’s not smart. Bill has essentially taken even more of her blood and taken advantage of the situation in a way no different from Eric asking Sookie to suck out his bullets. He knows that Eric now has influence on her and he hates it, so he sees an opportunity to reassert HIS influence on Sookie and seizes it. This is how far Bill’s pissing contest is going. He’s just as manipulative as Eric, only he doesn’t see it that way, because he’s a sociopath with visions of grandeur when it comes to himself, because he’s ‘good’ and his actions are used for ‘good.’ It also makes Sookie weaker to give Bill blood and I don’t know about you, but this doesn’t exactly seem like a good situation in which to weaken her. All in all, this scene made Bill look very selfish. His jealousy is above Sookie’s safety and so is his influence over her, his need to control her.
Poorly played Bill, poorly played.

Looks like God doesn’t hate fangs anymore…

Jason tells Sam that it’s safe to come out now…

But Andy and Sam don’t buy it.

At least not until he swears on his Gran’s grave.
Because they didn’t learn from Arlene using her kids as bait.

Jason passes his eye exam.

Sam doesn’t think that they’ll let up until they get him and Jason explains that he got the Zombies out by threatening to shoot nails into Arlene’s brain lol. ‘If we gonna get outta here, we’re gonna need an even bigger divergence.’ LOL, oh Jason, never change. Divergence instead of diversion…another malapropism worthy of ‘Evil is a premedicated decision to be a dick.’
Jason’s not the brightest bulb.

The zombies are NOT letting up!

And they’re trapped, in a bar. It’s time for Molotov cocktails, pool cues, cricket bats and Queen music!
Cue the creepy music.

Hail your Zombie leader Terry! He even plays bad cop and sets his gun down on the table!
False safety.

I know right?
Jason standing there with a weapon and he looks to the unarmed Sam and Andy….seriously?

‘Sam Merlotte. There’s no escaping, Sam Merlotte, the god who comes always gets what he comes for.’ It’s kinda awesome that he does this with a ciggy in his mouth. ‘As for you, Jason Stackhouse, not cool.’
Not cool, Jason…you infiltrated their hostage situation, turned your own hostage situation and kicked them outta the bar, only to get caught inside the bar with the prize.

The peanut gallery think God will punish Jason. Oh and they hunger for human flesh.
YUCK!

Sam goes ‘One for all…’ Maryann’s never gonna let up until she has him…

Despite his friends’ pleas, he offers himself up. Aww.
Maybe he should have shape shifted into a lamb…sacrificial lamb…lol I crack myself up.

What’s for dinner? Sam on a platter.
Lamb

Meanwhile Tara starts her ‘Lo Lo Bacchus’ chant again. And I am aware that I was RIGHT! This is like Lost proportions of vindication for me! I KNEW that the god was Bacchus/Dionysus. W00T!

Hey look! Laffy has a Satanic mask.
Bad Laffy.

He smacks a bitch because he has had it up to HERE! with the chanting. So have we! So have we!
Totally agree.

It don’t do anything. She starts chanting again. ‘This has got to be the worst fucking intervention in history.’
Way to state the obvious Laffy.

He hears a knock at the door, thinking it’s Sookie, only to learn that it’s Nikki from Alpha Super Lame!
Ding bat Jenny Lee.

Laffy tries to shoo her, but she doesn’t take the hint.

‘I ain’t sellin’ tonight, Cream Cheese, okay?’

She ain’t leavin’ until she gets the V!
RUT ROH RAGGY.

Bill overhears.

‘Oh you are leaving!’ Who else found this cartoony and LOL? He’s tiny, he’s tuney, he’s all a little looney…
Cue the theme to Looney Toons.

Nikki cuts and runs. Bill is about to turn on Laffy, ‘It ain’t even me! Talk to your boy Eric. He’s the one who’s got me pushin’ the shit.’ Hmmm…I smell plot device. More on that later.
What’s Bill gonna do, confront Eric or go running to the Queen? hmm decisions decisions…

The situation diffuses when Laffy invites them both inside.

Sookie wonders what’s happened to Tara.
Hey shit for brains, her eyes are black like the rest of the whack jobs, what the fuck do you think happened to her?

‘Get me the fuck out of here, you stupid cunt! Or I WILL kill you!’ Whoa…
Was I the only one that found the use of the C word to be a little over the top?

Sookie attempts using her powers.

Whoa! It’s like the Smoke Monster in Tara’s brain! (That is actually a cool effect.) Tara is nothing but a dark void. (Worst special effect ever.)
Hey blackness is hard to conjure up…;)

Sookie can’t see or hear anything and Tara wants her to stop raping her brain. Tara is just…gone…
Moment of clarity for Tara maybe? Just maybe.

Laffy doesn’t want her to give up, but Sookie doesn’t know what to do.

Of course she turns to Bill…Can’t she just come to this conclusion on her own? ‘You have to go further into her mind than you ever have before.’ Apparently Bill watches/watched Star Trek.
Seriously Sookie, are you that much of a girl…

Sookie touches Tara.‘You try and kill yourself? I don’t blame you with your fucked up life.’ LOL. I guess she doesn’t like being touched…It’s kinda funny what people are saying about her relationship with Bill in this episode and I really don’t like that the vamps don’t heal their bites on this show…it just seems like bad etiquette after the books. And Bill seems to have taken quite the bite this time…
Messy Bill, messy.

She gets flashes of Maryann, but not much else.

Sookie can’t get past the abyss…

Bill wants to try glamouring her. Now that’s great and all and Bill made a calculated risk that worked, but how did he know it wouldn’t just fuck everything up even further. Again, it’s like jumping to drain Maryann and drinking from Sookie…Sure, only 1/3 got him into trouble, but he should think more.
Bill’s more of an action than thinking man in the series…not sure I like the action Bill.

He’s a Stan.

No one wants to harm Tara, but this seems like the best course of action.
No one steps up to point out the dangers, wtf really?

Hey, this isn’t Battlestar Galactica.

He starts glamouring Tara.

There is a crazy mob at Merlotte’s.

They are tying Sam to the roof of a car like game. This made me LOL.
Sacrificial lamb.

Arlene thanks Sam for being Sam, so that Satan could come.
Nice heartfelt thanks from Arlene.

A pretty flare arcs into the night sky.
OOOHHH

‘Pretty!’ LOL.
LOL

Backstreet’s back, alright! ‘Silence! It is me, the god who comes!’ LMAO! And OMFG! It’s Sydney Fox, Relic Hunter!
ROFLMAO

‘I have come and now I am here!’ LOL.
and I am here….

WTF?

Sam signals the ‘god’.

‘Horns, you need horns!’ LOL.
LOL

Jason charges Andy with getting him horns. Satan has a nice body.
Satan is pretty ripped.

‘Sam Merlotte, you are my offering! People, your work here is done, go home!’

The townsfolk are unconvinced and Jane needs pants.

‘Oh yes, he is the best offering ever! You will all have great weather…and uh…good crops! Now leave!’
Lol good crops.

‘Bullshit! God has horns!’ LMAO!
ROFLMAO

Andy pleases the townsfolk with horns.

Ladies and gentlemen, the God Who Comes!

‘Lord, Lord? Smite me!’ LOL.
I think he’s got his gods mixed up.

Jason can’t hear inside his gas mask LOL. It’s nice to see his gas mask make a cameo after last season lol. I just love these three idiots.
lol @ the gas mask.

‘Smite me, Lord!’ This is just hysterical. The best part of the episode.

‘I don’t even know what you’re saying, man!’
The gas mask does not cover your ears Jason.

And the immortal lines of this episode? ‘Smite me, motherfucker!’

‘I smite thee, Sam Merlotte! DIIIIIIIEEE!!!’ LOL. Let’s hope Jason remembers that it’s Satan, not Santa. Isn’t it interesting that Jason goes from a sort of Jesus image through Sarah to now Satan?
hahaha he’s just a symbolic motherfucker.

This is what you call low rent.

Sam starts spasming!
Epilepsy to the rescue.

And them *poof*
Oh noes, where’d he go.

Everyone is surprised! ‘The fuck just happened.’

The crowd likes this!

‘As your leader, I am very pleased with your offering. Now go.’ LOL. Terry tries to swat away a fly…hmmm…
hahaha its the fly

‘Squad, report to Maryann for debriefing!’ And then the mob runs out. Jane makes some pun on debriefing. Note to all, STDs abound…
Jane Bodehouse has issues.

We are left with two of the Three Musketeers. They wonder what happened to Sam.

Why he’s just putting out flares!
With his butt hanging out his apron.

He’ll explain later…just help him put out the flares before they start a fire.

‘That’s the last drink I’ll ever take.’ Suuuure.
For the night.

‘Tara, let Sookie in!’

Apparently looking at a swimming image of Bill isn’t working.
I’d prolly turn in the opposite direction.

‘Tara, you are safe here, you have to do as I say.’ ‘I’m not your fucking slave girl!’ LOL.
LOL Tara holds grudges for things that happened before she was even born.

‘If ever there was a time to listen to a white man, Tara, this be it!’ LOL.
hahahahaha Laffy

At last Sookie is able to go in once Billdemort appears! I got a kick out of the bad effects. Come on!

Cue 1960s montage worthy of the movie version of ‘Flowers for Algernon’. I think it’s called ‘Charly.’ Anyway, Sookie sees visions! She’s in Tara’s psyche.

Does this remind anyone else of Studio 54? You know, the man in the moon with a spoon?
LOL

Tara’s eyes start flickering back to normal like some insect.
I was thinking more like Mystique in X-Men.

Oh! Like when she goes from Bobbique to Mystique or infiltrates Cerebro?

Until finally she’s normal again. It’s nice that Bill and Sookie had to work together to save Tara, but it’s kinda cheesy. Not to mention, Bill’s only helping her because she’s Sookie’s bff, not that there’s anything wrong with that, but you know, Hoyt’s mom is in the same boat. He saw her first and didn’t do anything. And Jessica is basically his child…Once again, if Bill isn’t directly affected, he’s not going to help.
I think it’s more that if Bill has nothing to gain, or appear to care about, for Sookie’s sake, then he won’t help.

Start the hugs! Sookie knows that Grudge!Tara isn’t the Real!Tara.
Hey stupid, they’re the same person.

In a first for them, Tara goes and embraces her mother. She really was looking out for Tara’s best interests this time. She must remember all that happened to her during the blackouts now, unlike in the books where Eric glamours the orgies away from her mind so she can live with herself.

Laffy gets a hug too. Aww!

Tara realizes something. ‘Eggs! I gotta go get Eggs!’ Great. Eggs is going to fuck everything up. Like we didn’t hate him enough already.
Eggs…good to look at, not worth speaking to though.

Lettie Mae locks the door and Laffy holds her back. She is not going for him! You KNOW this will be in the next episode.

‘I’ve known Tara my whole life and every trace of her was gone, replaced. And here I thought vampires were the only ones who could hypnotize people.’
hahaha poor naive Sookie.

‘No offense, Sookie, but humans are shockingly susceptible to just about every form of thought manipulation.’ Anvil No. 2! He has so done this to Sookie! He has manipulated her. Watch as he does it in this VERY scene.

Sookie tells Bill that it’s all coming from Maryann. They eat peoples’ hearts…but she wants more. She wants their souls! BOOYAH! WHO WAS RIGHT? WHO WAS RIGHT? This is like Lost, but with more vindication…

But Maryann can talk them down! It’s her best thing. You know, she gives them drugs and food, makes them have sex and harvests their souls. Om nom nom!

And the crazy chant of all the various names of Bacchus? Bill remembers it from the very book he read in the 30s when Lor-Lor released him. Convenient.
Well at least Lor-Lor taught him something.

Bill’s read about these creatures…but always thought them to be myths…and he thinks Maryann is a mythological creature.

Sookie wants to know how to kill her. Well lookie that, Eric’s right! She is bloodthirsty when it comes to the people she loves…Sookie knows this is true within herself too.
Go Eric!!

‘I do not know how to defeat her. but I know one vampire who might. Might.’ Just to clarify…This would be a GREAT time to call Eric. I know I was watching this entire scene going ‘CALL ERIC! CALL ERIC!’ but you know…I’m logical. ‘If I am to make it by daylight, I must leave now.’ So he isn’t calling Eric. Smart…This is so NOT protocol. I mean, Eric SHOULD be informed. It’s HIS area. He’s sheriff. There’s a chain of command. Secondly, that’s going waaaaayyy too far for help. Eric is what? An hour max away, he wants to go to New Orleans where the queen is and that’s a 5 to 6 hour drive. He’s placing Sookie’s safety below his jealousy. He would rather not turn to Eric because of his own petty ego, than do the logical thing. Think about when Sookie asked to call Eric. He could have gotten the ball rolling. Not to mention, in the books, Eric got rid of a maenad in Russia in the 1800s…So he would know…
Because a peon would just be able to request the audience of a queen…

God, give Eric the power dampening collars now, so that he can touch her. Bill’s crazy. I have an avatar for this:

Bill is keen to do this alone. Hmm, I wonder why? Could it be so that Sookie isn’t around the queen and won’t find out something she wouldn’t like to know? She’s also arguably safer by going with Bill, I mean, Bon Temps is riddled with psycho zombies…New Orleans isn’t. Is guilt making him slip up? He’ll be back by morning… ‘And Jason and Sam and Lafayette, you can do more good for them here.’ OOH! DID YOU SEE THAT! DID YOU SEE THAT?

‘You’re right. I left everybody before and look what happened.’ What is she? The NWA (The Neighbourhood Watch Association)? He used her guilt and goodness to manipulate her into doing what he wants her to do! And it worked. *Sigh* Thought Manipulation 101!

Cue that depressing music again. I’ve been trained to be annoyed every time it comes on. Bill asks if Sookie could use the Glow Hand against Maryann…but Sookie isn’t sure. She’s SOOO safe, Bill.‘You keep your friends safe and by all means do you stay away from your home.’ Pfft! You know Sookie’s gonna do it in the next episode. Promises are made to be broken. Oh and there goes Bill again, ordering her around…He comes across so paternalistic and controlling.
Oh geez, for a couple they sure don’t act like one.

Remember that gif? She fell right into it again.

Sookie promises.

They start kissing again to the Ode to Lame Sex and it’s just…flat and difficult to watch. It makes me cringe. There’s just no chemistry or passion.
For a couple, irl, they suck at acting like one.

Officer Angel rushes off in a gust of wind like Super Mario and leaves Sookie alone.
More like Sonic the hedgehog.

<img class="aligncenter" src="http://i60.photobucket.com/albums/h5/simba317/TBRecap10/319.jpg&quot; alt="" width="320" height="180" />

Meanwhile, Maxine harasses her son because she wants to party with Maryann.

Jessica is getting worked up.

Hoyt is not letting Maxine near Merlotte’s no matter how much venom she spews!

‘You could come with me! Maybe meet a nice girl instead of that devil slut.’ That’s nice…and um…eww…he’s your son.
Lol talk about pot calling the kettle black.

I’m getting real tired of this shit.’ Uh oh. Jessica is agitated…

‘You’re gonna treat Jess with respect or I’m gonna lock you up in that cubby hole until Vampire Bill gets home!’ You go, Hoyt!
See all Hoyt needed was a girlfriend for his testicles to drop.

‘Oh you’re Dirty Harry now, huh? ‘Cause you’re dipping that penguin dick in that vamper tramp. You are cut from the same cloth as your daddy…You are both half man and a dead whore. Who else would have either of you?’

The fangs come out!
Go Jess Go

‘Look lady, you have no clue how little control I have over my actions. You also do not know I haven’t eaten in days.’ Uh oh. And secondly, Bill didn’t leave her with any food? He’s letting her starve? He rushes off to New Orleans and he doesn’t even think to give Jessica some food?

Call VCPS (Vampire Child Protective Services)

She goes for Maxine and pushes Hoyt off.

‘You give me one good reason why I shouldn’t drain you dry!’ ‘I don’t gotta give you nuthin’!’

Jessica goes for the jugular and Hoyt is helpless!
Poor Hoyt.

‘Welcome, Mr. Compton, the queen’s expecting you.’ So he’s buddy-buddy with the queen huh? I guess that explains why he’s been so disrespectful to Eric this season. His sheriff…he’s got an in, but he’s too stupid to hide it. I also think Eric is humouring him because he knows and it’s made him suspicious.
Foreshadowing of Season 3.

So the crib is pretty swank and even has water elements…Keeping in mind that Bill now knows Eric is pushing V…I think he’s going to report him to the queen and from a few extrapolations with spoilers…I think he’ll find out from the queen that she and Eric are running a covert sting operation in order to track down V sellers or they really are running an illegal operation in order to get rich…but it doesn’t seem likely, even though it would be very profitable… I think knowing that the queen and Eric are in league, Bill is going to want to tattle/narc Eric, but spare the queen, to someone like the Magister. That way he can get Eric away from Sookie and Eric will be sufficiently punished. The queen will be pissed, but what can she do? It’s illegal and if the Magister found out she was in on it too, she’d be in trouble too. So Bill gets carte blanche and a hand slap. Only Eric has an ace up his sleeve…he knows that there may be something up between him and the queen and showing up in Bon Temps from going to court and his general observations and suspicions…because let’s face it, it’s suspicious. Why would any vampire decide to do a threesome with someone as icky as the Rattrays? Is Bill really THAT stupid? C’mon. It seems an awful lot like he manipulated that situation… Not to mention the ‘edict’ that Eric should know about from last season… So Eric tells Bill to go ahead, narc him out, but he’ll tell Sookie about his suspicious dealings…and Bill is stuck in a stalemate.

OOH! Is that Sigebert of Wybert that lets Bill in? You know what? I find this strange, it looks like Sookie has an impact on how Bill dresses too, because without Sookie around, Bill looks pretty good. Is wardrobe an indication of the toxicity of the relationship?

‘Your majesty…’ Cue WTF face.

Oh can it, Bill, she’s just having lunch, FFS. Get over it.
He’s mainstreaming and is grossed out by his Queen who’s not.

And that is it for another recap. Hope you enjoyed it! I have to also say that I really LOVED Terry and Maxine in this episode, both were just hysterical! My favourite part had to be Jason pretending to be god. It was hilarious.

Once again, the caps come from Marishna on LJ and Jenni Lou’s black-celebration.net. The gifs are from bluebear starryeyedmagic. The icon is from LJ, endlessdeep.

Until then!

~simba_317
~scoobs

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46 Responses to “Satan Has a Six-Pack? Smite Me”

  1. […] Click on the picture. […]

    • I’m not sayin Eric should be reported… but only because I love him so much. Srsly, if he hesn’t checked in with higher authorities first, this could be real bad for him.
      Remember the trials in s1? Bill defended Sookie and had to change Jessica for it, the other vamp did what Eric wants to do the whole time (with Sookie) and got punished, too. In comparison selling V might just be worse, and I can see why Bill would freak out about that. He’s unreasonable when it comes to Sookie, but that is it.
      And Jessica had lots of TrueBlood just a few hours ago, but she would neither drink any nor take some home. And I’m pretty sure Bill has synthetic blood somewhere. She just can’t get it cause Maxine is making her lose her shit.

      • I actually have a little theory about that drinking from someone else’s human, i mean we haven’t been told a whole lot about what sherifs’ are and aren’t allowed to do but maybe part of the reason Bill is so worked up over Eric’s interest in Sookie is that he can’t really do anything if Eric decides to take her….

  2. Stephen has been overacting this whole season. Way too intense and stiff. You can’t help but laugh at him every time he does or say anything.

    I’m annoyed by the guy but I do think you’re way too harsh on Bill sometimes. He’s not suppose to threaten Maryanne? So he should just sit back and do as she says? That’s unrealistic.

    Great recap! Thanks for all your hard work girls

    • For me, the threatening was more an issue with the overacting…it just made him come across as incredibly arrogant. It’s not that he shouldn’t threaten Maryann, it’s just the way he does it, when it’s clear he can’t really do anything that makes you go…uh huh, right. It’s the acting. If he had made the remark seething and dangerous, made the threat subversive, instead of taking it to comic book villain, I could have bought it, but when he does comic book, it just makes me question.

      ~simba_317

    • No, I think simba just meant he should have grabbed Sookie and vampired out of there instead of trying to intimidate her into leaving. If Bill couldn’t connect the dots with the bull mask plus the new outside-inside decor and figure out that something was rotten in the state of Denmark, then he hasn’t learned very much in the last 150 years.

      • See, unlike as in the books, True Blood Bill isn’t cool and collected. He’s much more fiery and warm (like Eric is in the books). Bill has been pretty impulsive and compulsive in True Blood acting before he thinks. Literally. I think it’s fine that he was threatening Maryanne, but why bite/drink from her? Better to just dismember her and throw her around instead of getting food poisoning.

  3. Bill threatening people has become a joke to me. He threatens everybody but never does anything. He seems angry and powerless all the time. It amuses me because I don’t like Bill, and when he looks bad it’s fine by me. IMO he’s looked like a real loser all season.

    The idiot musketeers were my favorite thing this episode too. The scene with Jason as “god” was hilarious.

    By the way, the blue really hurts my eyes 🙂

  4. glad I’m not the only one whose mind went to “Shawn of the Dead” in all the Sam/Andy/Jason scenes – too funny, loved that movie! I thought the “meat pole” was a reproduction of the statue – especially since they felt the need to focus on in when Beel and Sookah went into the house…

  5. Best recap yet. You both ROCK!!!

  6. I didn’t catch that lighting change in the dream sequence, you are one smart lady. 😉

    The blue hurts my eyes too but the comments were funny.

    Also I think Moyer is playing Bill this way for a reason, so he won’t be as easy to like. This wasn’t ever an issue for me because I went in True Blood with a healthy disdain for Bill courtesy of the Stackhouse novels. But still, season 1 he was a hell of a lot nicer an easier to like than the hot mess we’ve been handed in season 2. I just have to think it’s been done on purpose.

    About the V… If I know Bill(and I think I do) he’s just dying to drop that tidbit of info on the Queen so he can try and gain some sort of on up on Eric. Too bad the Queen is in on that shit. Unlike Bill, Eric actually respects his superiors and follows orders. Oh wait I guess Bill follows orders too, all the way to Bon Temps lol. Again, poorly played, Bill.

  7. Oh and the Sam-Andy-Jason stuff reminded me more of Evil Dead.

  8. Love the recap. You guys did it again.
    Love the crazy trio
    Smite me….
    Loved Sookie’s dream. Best part of the episode
    Bill was so rude in regards to GIVE ME YOUR WRIST SO I CAN HEAL
    what the heck!!

  9. Loved the recap! If i’m ever too broke to afford cable again, i know i can count on you to give me the inside scoop. As for this ep, i’m a bit curious as to why the “good guys” – Laffy, Andy, Jason, etc. are immune to Maryann’s grudge-eye virus. I cracked up over chain saw Jason & the whole smite me scene. Smite me is the new Bite me. The Ode to Lame Sex makes me physically ill. Seriously. The music on the show is outstanding, but that theme has got to be stopped. I’m thinking of starting up a petition. The only other major criticism i have of this show was the lack of Eric screen time…seems it’s feast or famine this season the way AB doles out the E when he knows we’re all about to kill him.

  10. Love the title! Great job on the Recap 🙂
    I swear everytime I see ASkars shirtless that song ‘I’m too sexy’ plays in my head.
    I squealed with delight when I saw Sookie touching Eric fangs it reminded me of their love scenes in the book or is it fanfic? Sorry they got all meshed together in my brain lol. The song that plays during this dream is perfect I was looking for it but couldn’t find it. Your reference of the Lenny Kravit song is so meant for this scene the lyrics describes everything that he’s feeling.
    Wow Simba your observation on the Dream Glow is awesome!
    Ha! Evil Terry Rocks. I’m lovin Ninja Jason this season. I liked the comedy in this episode the scene with Sam/Andy/Jason was frickin hysterical I was laughing so damn hard.
    I kinda liked it when Bill scares the college girl if that was me I would of cracked up in his face lol. Who else found this cartoony and LOL? *raises hand* but I got the impression that TB did it on purpose.

    Ohh my gosh if Bill spills the beans on E pushing V then he’s such a cry baby loser but I think there is something in your notion of absolute possibility which (reminds me of ep 8 where Eric tells Bill “are you picking a fight? I’d like to see you try”) results in poorly played Bill therefore Eric gets the checkmate.

  11. You truly suck Beel.
    Great re-caps. I was hanging out for this one!
    I stumbled across the link on Facebook and sat up until three in the morning reading all of them and laughing my arse off.
    Your insight and reading of each episode is fantastic.
    My fav giff is “Sucky is Mahn”. Laugh every time I see it.
    I wholeheartedly agree with your assessment of the opening sequence, I too went WTF when I watched it. Upon re-watching I think you are right, I think the dream kicks in at the first cut back to S after A states that Godric is dead.
    When watching the first dream sequence, I too picked up on the fact that Bill looks completely grey and dead and it does seem like foreshadowing. The way he is lit is VERY different to Sookie. Also the first shot we see of him after her second dream is in a coffin.
    Personally I think next season he is fucked. Thank crap, super annoying, followed closely by Sookie this season. Even if she was bi-polar S1, her ballsy attitude was still cool, S2 she has a tendency to come off as grating.
    P.S – Was anyone else annoyed by the way Sookie’s shoe string straps cut into her shoulder fat in that god awful Pizza Hut tablecloth dress? Come on wardrobe, it’s not rocket science!
    I was actually rooting for Bill in the first season, (I have not read the books, although I now know the basic plot lines and his character development) now I wish like he would just make like a tree and leave.
    Your assessment of his character is bang on, he is super shady.
    So true about ick sex, the first one of the season made me dry heave. Sorry, but the blood transfer mouth thingy was not “ohh.. that’s so dirty and hot”, just lame and contrived.
    In my opinion the two short S/E dream sequences have been sexier than then the all S/B’s for both seasons.
    In relation to Bill’s better dress sense in the last scene, I think this could be indicative of seeing another, real side to Bill, alongside the telling song lyrics. His daggy button-down style when in ‘screw Sookie’ mode as opposed to ‘real, slightly cooler’ leather jacket toting Bill?
    On the upside, while I did feel super screwed when I watched this episode, especially with the truncated episode, on re-watching it has grown on me. I think the very different comic relief episode was to fill in story, but to also generate anticipation for the following episode, to intentionally to keep us frustrated and on the edge of our seats. Ball knows what he is doing. He knows how to play his audience. Particularly in relation to S/E relationship, I think he will drag that out into the next season.
    The ‘smite me motherfucker’ was one of the funniest this season. Jason Stackhouse ‘es’ awesome. I also love Andy B. “Fuck you zombie woman, fuck all yall devil zombies”
    I read somewhere apparently Alan Ball wrote Ep 11? Not sure if that’s correct.
    In Australia and at this point have at least 32 hours before I can get hold of the latest, ready to gnaw my leg off in anticipation/frustration. This show is like crack.
    Really look forward to your next recap, great way to wrap up each episode. Thanks for all the hard work putting this together.
    You ‘es’ awesome.

  12. Great recap as usual. Totally on target. LOL! “They start kissing again to the Ode to Lame Sex” perfect name for the musical theme. I start cringing when I hear it too!

    LOVED LOVED the idiot 3 Musketeers. We were laughing so hard.

    Someone on the HBO board suggested this idea about Bill at the Queens. She suggested it might be a flashback to when he was given his mission to secure Sookie. And it makes perfect sense. As mentioned, he looked so much better, more like season one Bill. Would LOVE if that was the case. Cause I want actually see him given that mission, so that I’m sure AB won’t put that one somehow on Eric too.

    The fist two minutes were the best minutes of the eppy, IMHO, of course. So sweet and loved the music as well. I’m hoping your right Simba and that at least part of that really happened.

    Thanks again both of you. These really make my week!

    • Kathy that was mine thread I believe Called “Possible real reason for Sookie and Bill’s almost instant attraction”?

  13. “first two minutes,” not “fist” Ugh! typos!

  14. Seriously, you guys make getting up on Saturday worth it.

    I agree… As the season progresses, it just seems like Bill is getting more and more over the top. I’m about as over his jealousy act as I am over Maryann. I’m by no means a Bill fan but I actually MISS S1 Bill. He may have been just as manipulative and controlling of Sookie (and over the top in his own ways) but at least he seemed to have a handle on himself and wasn’t living in delusional LA-LA land.

    I did, however, like seeing Bill help Sookie ‘cure’ Tara. I like that he’s interacting more with the people of Bon Temps. He really needs some friends out there besides Sookie so he’ll have a reason to still be on the show if (read: when ;-]) he and Sookie are no more.

    I also agree with everyone who thinks Bill is going to try and drop the “ERIC IS SELLING V! WAH WAH WAH!” bomb while he’s with the Queen. But I suspect it will get him no where since the Queen has to be in on it (especially since the promo shows that Eric does show up at the Queen’s ‘palace’). Am I the only one whose hoping for a cheese line from Eric ala Bill’s ‘speech’ in Timebomb? Something like “Tattling about the V to the Queen because you’re jealous of me? Thats feeble and desperate even for you” ?

    In short.. Get ahold of yourself Bill.. This is not the ‘Crazy, Jealous Vampires Do Stupid Shit’ show. Be more like S1 Bill and maybe I’ll at least like you a little bit again.

  15. “They start kissing again to the Ode to Lame Sex and it’s just…flat and difficult to watch. It makes me cringe. There’s just no chemistry or passion.
    For a couple, irl, they suck at acting like one.”

    That actually means that they have a healthy relationship as a real life couple. Co-stars that are dating irl and have a HEALTHY relationship will have horrible on-screen chemistry. That actually kind of makes me happy ’cause that means they might survive as a irl couple. :o)

    Other than that, great recap. loved it!

  16. Another great recap! When season one started, I was on Team Bill. But now that we’re starting to see what a complete do*che Bill is, I am SO TEAM ERIC!!! I love all of your Eric and Sookie observations, breakdowns, and comments, and even think this blog may have had a hand in my “conversion” :). I just wanted to mention the whole chemistry between Sookie and Bill issue, and bring up the possibility that they are recently lacking chemistry onscreen maybe because they are purposely trying to show that the relationship is starting to unravel. I just wanted to know if you think that that this is a plausible reason rather than just bad acting on the part of AP and SM, because so far, they have been great in my opinion, especially AP. Again, I love the blog, please keep up the great, thought-provoking (and funny) work!

  17. ROFL i’ve never seen that GIF!!! I almost peed my pants laughing! SOOKEYYY AH TOLD YA NAWT TA DO THAT rofl!!!
    There was 2 minutes or less of E in this episode, no fun! I don’t care how funny this epi was, no E, no party!
    Great recap Simba and scoobs!!! it’s so fun when there are two people putting their 2 cents in 😉

  18. “‘Welcome, Mr. Compton, the queen’s expecting you.’ So he’s buddy-buddy with the queen huh? I guess that explains why he’s been so disrespectful to Eric this season. His sheriff…he’s got an in, but he’s too stupid to hide it. I also think Eric is humouring him because he knows and it’s made him suspicious.
    Foreshadowing of Season 3.”

    I am pretty sure that actually started in season one.. there was a scene in Eric’s office and he asked Bill if he’d actually fallen in love with Sookie and Bill’s response is an awkward pause followed by “Sookie must be protected” .. and Eric says that it sounds like an edict but it couldn’t be because he would know about it. I think Eric has been onto his trickery longer than Bill knows…

    Love the recaps. Too funny.

  19. Great recap!

    I love the VCPS!!! haha!!!

    Lots of foreshadowing in the past episode as well as this one. I hope it’s not just wishful thinking for this Eric-Sookie shipper. Even with only 3 minutes, I loved every second of Eric & Sookie. Great job by AP and AS. 🙂

  20. “Well, with your coach accepting the job at TMU being announced just before your final game…”
    Seriously, laughed my arse off at that one 😉 Wonderful recap, I’ve loved reading them. There seems to be a WHOLE lot of nuances that I miss…

  21. […] Satan Has a Six-Pack? Smite Me « Blood Bonds bloodbonds.wordpress.com/satan-has-a-six-pack-smite-me – view page – cached #Blood Bonds RSS Feed Blood Bonds » Satan Has a Six-Pack? Smite Me Comments Feed Blood Bonds — From the page […]

  22. So glad I stumbled onto you guys – this is fantastic! Awesome catch on the first scene shifting into dream sequence – I wondered about something like that myself. Alex’s acting – two thumbs up there! As for where the scene went (even if it was fantasy-land), TOTALLY plausible. Similar things have happened to me and to many of my friends who have lost loved ones.

    Gotta agree that Bill really pissed me off last episode, too. Love the “Sucky is Mahn”! He’s been grating on my nerves more and more, but last week really took the cake. Er, so to speak… I’m just waiting for Sookie to move over to Team Eric. The world needs more Alex!!

  23. For Simba. A little meat education.

    Ground Chuck: A “Type” of Ground Beef Ground chuck comes from the shoulder and neck area of the cow and is usually very fatty but also has an immense amount of flavoring

    If you are easily offended stop reading here _____________________________

    Ground Chuck per UrbanDictionary.com: To fuck a woman from behind as she vomits in the toilet.
    Guy 1: “I Gave that bitch the ground chuck”
    Guy 2: “Whats That?”
    Guy 1: ” I Fucked her so hard she puked!

  24. Wait I am so confused? Lil? Action? My Girl? Did you throw that in there to see if I was reading and not just looking at the pretty pictures?

  25. i am thinking when E finally gets to bite Sookie, he is gonna lick the shit out of that bite and heel her and we are all gonna have to hit pause and change our panties….

  26. Awesome recap! The only thing I like about this ep was Jason impression of ‘god’ that was FUNNY!

  27. I am very disappointed in SM in epi 10. I feel he was trying to overcompensate for the new E/S heat and chemistry. SM is much better when he is subtle and cool. Take season one, the first few epi’s he was enthralling and dare I say sexy? I don’t maybe he is supposed to be this annoying over the top character but that is not how Bill started out and even in the first epi of this season he was not like he is now. I am frustrated and expect more from SM, I believe he is a very capable actor, he just needs to remember himself already.

  28. Yeah – I’m Team Eric all the way, but I’d like it better if Alan Ball gave Bill a better chance with things. He’d just being depicted in the worst possiblie light. It’s just no contest at the moment, and that sucks.

    As for not healing bite wounds, that also sucks!

    • I have to believe they’re doing it on purpose. He was portrayed so well last season and I think they’re trying to tear that image down a bit now.

      • With Bill…in Season 1, if you looked closely, all the behavior that he displayed in S2 was there too. His jealousy first made an appearance in Episode 4. He had the same paternalistic air to him. The only difference was that he was more bearable.

        ~simba_317

      • I agree. Much more bearable last season.

  29. I absolutely love your recaps!! I read every one of them. 🙂
    We definitely have some of the same feelings about Beel vs. Eric. haha. Can’t wait for tonight’s episode and the next review.

  30. I loved Jason as God with his branch horns and gas mask. And he doesn’t know what Smite means so he just repeats it! LOLOLOLOL! That was by far my favorite part of this episode. And WTF with the short running time? That was irritating.
    I thought the dream sequence was awesome and powerful. I didn’t pick up on the clarity vs fuzziness until you showed it to us here, but yeah. I didn’t think there was any way Sookie would not have gone to Eric to offer some comfort. It’s just a decent thing to do regardless of your personal feelings for someone so I agree, there was some truth/memory to that. I don’t think he manipulated that one at all. The first one? I thought he might have. Nothing bad had gone down yet as far as Godric dying, he’d had that little coup over Bill and Sookie by tricking her into drinking from him and I thought he may have been flexing a little control muscle. Not the second one, though. He had to have been overwrought at losing his “father, brother, son” and it wouldn’t have crossed his mind. He’s manipulative, but not a monster.

    Now about the preview for tonight…what is up with the disco outfits on Eric and Pam? I suppose we’ll find out! Nice Dynasty hair there, Pam! =)

  31. The schmoop twins… LMAO! Love it.

  32. Simba, can I get your autograph 😛

    I loved the recap…

  33. Great job Ladies, sorry it took me so long to reply, but another winner. And OMG, good catch about the Rattrays, I always thought Bill slipped away with them waaay too easily. I really liked this episode. Too bad they undid everything that had been building up now, lol, but I still have some hope for the finale. And I also think you have a good point about Bill coming off as the jealous overbearing BF. Even without any outside influences, Bill is setting himself up to fail. Its only a matter of time. I dont mind waiting till next season to see it happen. 😉 Thanks for the great recap Simba and Scooby, awesome job!

  34. I ❤ you and totally stole your "sucky is mahn" avatar. 🙂

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