Paintballs Are Lethal

I knew going into this week that the writer was Alexander Woo, and being that he wrote such great episodes as ‘Sparks Fly Out’ and and ‘The Fourth Man in the Fire’ , Episodes 5 and 8 respectively, of last season, I knew it was going to be good. He didn’t disappoint. Just like in the premiere, that was largely setup episode, I knew he would do it well. He proved once again why he and Brian Buckner are the best writers on the show. Their episodes are BY FAR the best True Blood episodes. Things just WORK. I call them my Andy Kitsis and Brian Horowitz of True Blood, but I really think they’re more like Darlton.

This was certainly the best episode of the season or of True Blood. I’m an action/adventure kind of girl, so that will always get me going and there was PLENTY of that. Also, Alexander Woo is also great because he’s given Eric some of THE best moments, such as the tub scene and the hair foil scene and when watching this episode, I think all of us finally felt like THIS was what we have been waiting for all season, where Eric isn’t in maybe two or four minutes an episode like some guest star. We finally got what we wanted and it did not disappoint. And as per usual, more Eric, more caps!

So many things worked about this episode, Jason really really shone. He had some of the most memorable and funny moments ever! The paintball scenes were just THE most hilarious scenes EVER. It was absolutely brilliantly funny. I died laughing. It was nice to see Sookie not being snarly to Eric and to see that relationship actually develop. One interesting thing worthy of note is that Sookie is a LOT nicer to Eric when Bill isn’t around. I wonder why that is? Could it be Bill’s insecurity that Sookie feels like she has to counteract that or could she be hiding her attraction?

Once again, Bill proved himself to be ever boring and laughable. It’s just not interesting to see him bolt into a church screaming ‘SUUUUUUKEEEEHHHH!!!!’ all melodramatically and then do nothing to actually save her. Oh and the kicker? Threatening Eric. Seriously? There isn’t a time when Bill isn’t on screen that I don’t feel like rolling my eyes. Another thing I REALLLLLY don’t like? Sookie needing Bill to save her 24/7. I’m sorry, but it’s just too much. It’s like seriously? In the books, yeah, she wanted Bill to save her, but when he didn’t come, she saved herself. I want to see Sookie save herself instead of relying on others, it’s so grating and as a woman, it’s like c’mon! It’s 2009, a woman does not need a man 24/7 to save her. I may have issues opening jars, but damned if I’m not trapped in a store room and I sit around waiting for someone to save me and won’t actually LOOK in the boxes to find something to get me out!

Tara, Eggs and Maryann…BOOORING. Sam? Boring. Maryann has really worn out her welcome. The action has never been most interesting IN Bon Temps. It’s always best when Sookie travels out of Bon Temps. Like to Dallas, Jackson, New Orleans and Rhodes.

To the recap! BTW, this one will be a game of ‘Spot the GK, Michael Jackson and Terminator References!’

As Sookie is becoming modest once again…

Godric chokes Gabe and looks upon him as the scum of the earth he really is.

Scum that doesn’t deserve to live. What I find interesting about Godric is that he does realize vampires are barbaric, but he also realizes he is a vampire and he can’t aplogize for that like Bill. He kills Gabe, but this doesn’t feel like Bill killing Uncle Bartlett or the Rattrays. Bill kills with high handedness and vengeance. Godric? One can’t help but feel this is more justice than anything. Gabe attempted rape, who knows what else he’s done and attempted? Gabe is killed with mercy.  He doesn’t priviledge humans, he can see good in them and bad in them, but he isn’t hypocrital about it. He sees that vamps do wrong too. It isn’t like Bill who mourns his loss of humanity, angsts, say that lawlessness etc is so horrible and bad and then decides to kill the Rattrays, Uncle Bartlett and threaten to kill everyone in the FOTS needlessly. He IS just as much of a loose canon as Stan. Godric is also interesting in that he’s a Jesus/God figure. We all know that the bible says ‘an eye for an eye’…Godric’s killing of Gabe definitely echoed that. Justice. Godric is excellently played by Alan Hyde. Just brilliant. He gives Godric power and nobility. He’s 19 and 5’6″ but damn if you don’t believe that he’s more powerful than Eric.

Sookie is grossed out by the dead body.

There is a vampiric whooshing noise and Sookie is like a dog all excited! It’s Bill! It’s making me ill! Sookie makes me want to sing that Pussycat Dolls song ‘I Don’t Need a Man’…and that is frightening in itself…*shudders*

That gremlin? Please! ‘No. I’m here my child. Down here.’ Such an awesome moment!

Eric rushes into the room! DADDY’S BACK!

Eric can’t believe his eyes! He bows down to Godric. That’s WOW in itself. Pretty damn awesome.

Godric tells E that he was a fool for sending humans after him while Sookie feels a little uncomfortable at the man love. Even she has to realize what a big deal it is for Eric to bow to this guy. Eric really respects and reveres Godric, something you can’t say for Jessica towards Bill. It says a lot about Eric and a lot about Godric.

Eric had no other choice. This is a VERY interesting shot is it not? With Jesus and the angel in the back in the exact same positions, not to mention hair colour? So if Godric is Jesus/voice of God, then Eric is an angel or his disciple. Eric’s not all bad. He just knows how to rock the black. Eric has good in him. If it’s anything like Lost, the angelic symbolism is important or will be later. What is also interesting is that they’re giving a VAMPIRE Christian/Jesus/God imagery, which certainly goes against everything the FOTS is saying.

‘These savages…they seek to destroy you.’ I like that while Eric is Godric’s subordinate, he doesn’t beg and he’s not disrespectful. Eric bows because he respects Godric, because Godric has earned that position worthy of reverence in Eric’s eyes. I also like how Eric waits until it’s okay for eye contact. When Godric and Eric talk, it’s like, epic.

Goddy is fully aware of what’s going on with the FOTS.

They tell Eric that Hugo is the traitor.

Eric considerately asks Godric when the last time he fed was. Just wow.

Godric tells him he requires very little blood anymore…Hmm…a vamp not feeding? Interesting. Maybe Godric is ready to leave this world behind? It also ruins what could have happened. You SO know Eric would offer him his blood.

Alarms sound and Godric orders Eric to ‘Save the human.’

Eric isn’t leaving his side. This is so Lord of the Rings! You know when Aragorn refuses to leave Frodo? Yes, there is a height joke and he IS Eragorn after all lol. Oh and the slightly homoeroticness of all male bonding/action movies.

Godric can take care of himself.

Sookie wants to get out of Shit Creek!

Godric’s last orders? ‘Spill no blood on your way out.’ Interesting.

Eric rises and takes Sookie out. That was really ‘Come with me if you want to live.’ Yes, he is really THAT tall, and he is really THAT short. lol.

Godric seems deep in thought as his child leaves with the human. I have to say this was the most enthralling opening in that it wasn’t an action piece, it wasn’t a humour piece, but you were just riveted and that was totally because of the relationship between Eric and Godric and Alexander Skarsgard and Alan Hyde’s phenomenal acting. They just SOLD that relationship and made it real. The dialogue was also interesting and made you go ‘hmmm’.

On that note, it’s time for True Blood!

‘I’m alive!’ LOL Jason!

‘Holy shit! God saved me! I’ve saved!’ This just keeps getting better!

‘For heaven’s sake, grow a braincell! Paintballs!’ LOL. This is so white trash lol.

Jason comes to an epiphany. ‘You crazy bitch!’ No shit.

But let’s remember who has the paintball gun here. ‘I let you into my house and in my bed and into my heart. All I stood for, all I believed in, I violated to be with you! I gave you everything for a lie!’ Popcorn! Soap opera!

‘You’re wose than Judas.’ I’m thinking that’s Hugo and how much hairspray does that hair take?

‘Why, what did he do to you?’ Would someone like to explain Europe to him?

You’re too stupid to live! ‘Fuck you!’

*FIRES SHOT INTO CROTCH*

LMAO! He SOOOO deserved that too. It’s the one part that gets him into the most trouble. Hilarious.‘OOOOOOHHHH! Sweet Jesus!’ Oh look, Jason has blue balls.

‘You came to prey on me, to ruin the sacred vow I made to my husband. Then like a coward, you ran!’ It all comes down to religion with these folks…

‘I didn’t…okay, I ran. But it wasn’t from you, but from your husband and his crazy weapon collection.’ LOL. SOOO redneck. Jason wants to know why Sarah told Steve about the affair.

Sarah didn’t tell Steve, Steve told her! Irony of massive proportions is going on.

Jason is still as confused as ever.

‘There are wolves in our hen house. We must defend our flock.’ Interesting way you protect your sheep…Didn’t you always find it interesting that they call a congregation a flock? And they also call a group of sheep, a flock? And the connotations that a ‘flock of sheep’ has?

Jason still doesn’t know what’s going on, so Sarah tells them that they have Sookie! She came here the day before and she was a liar like Jason! Funnily enough, Sookie was the only liar.

Jason Stackhouse may be an idiot and a manwhore, but he protects his sister! Sookie has nothing to do with this!

‘You Stackhouses, you’re nothing but a bunch of heartless, two-faced vampire fuckers!’ Oh she’s gonna get it!

And she does! Jason knocks her over and takes the gun!

‘Don’t you ever talk about my sister like that.’

‘And if I find out any of you so much as touched her, I’m gonna come back here and it won’t be with no fucking paintgun!’ LOL. Jason steals a suped up golf cart, the vehicle of choice for all action heroes. You KNOW Ahnold will be sporting one in some Terminator movie down the road. The Governator Goes Green! TG! Termintor: Green!

Jason drives off leaving Sarah extra spurned and extra dirty.

Meanwhile, the FOTS is being locked down! The lock-in turned into a lockdown after all! LOL! This ain’t no Love Lockdown either!

A sexy vampire sneaks through the church. Apparently the Soldiers of the Sun are getting weapons and then they’ll be all ready to enact the Commendment which states that they have a right to bear arms!

‘I could have you out in seconds.’ ‘There are kids out there.’

‘None of those humans would think twice about hurting us.’ Eric is much more pragmatic, but Sookie is still concerned about children. Interesting.

Rolling of eyes again, Sookie wants to know why E didn’t bring Bill with him. UGH. This girl needs to stop with the clingyness. It’s so ugh. Do you not have any identity outside of girlfriend to vampire? Seriously. What is this? 1960?

‘His attachment to you is irrational. It clouds his judgment. He would kill every child in this church to save you.’ Interesting assertion on Bill by Eric. It certainly gives some evidence as to why he sicced Lorena on Bill. Partly for his own interests in gaining Sookie, partly because he was meddling with his plans and making his actions difficult and lastly because Bill is a loose canon. No wonder he didn’t want him to come in the first place.

Sookie should take note of what the boss says about Bill, but of course, she doesn’t. ‘Why aren’t you?’

Eric is merely following daddy’s orders. He’s a good baby.

‘He’s your maker isn’t he?’

‘Don’t use words you won’t understand.’

‘You have a lot of love for him.’ Interesting that Sookie picks that up about Eric. Remember in Episode 3, she never thought Eric could be capable of love and yet here, she says that he is, for Godric. Her views about Eric are changing.

‘Don’t use words I don’t understand.’ *Squee* Don’t you just love that line? Not to mention how it was delivered. This is what you call a set up! LOL. Will Eric oneday understand it? Will Sookie be that person? Not now of course, she SO doesn’t deserve him. She has to take many stepping stones first.

Eric sees an opening. He’s taking it!

‘Eric NO!’ Whoa! Major Jean Chretien lip there! Although if she did have a stroke, it would explain a LOT.

‘Trust me.’ OOOH!

This is SOOO ROMY! You know Rogue and Gambit? They’re my OTP 4Ever. I’ve been shipping since I was maybe 5 or younger, I watched XTAS. Thanks to whoever sent this in to Lil, but I’m fangirl enough not to need too much help in this department lol.

Where did this come from? Well…Uncanny X-Men 385, the issue where Rogue and Gambit finally reconciliation after the whole Antarctica kerfuffle. This issue was written by the awesome and legendary Chris Claremont! It lead us to the hug below. The X-Men are captured by this guy called Goth, but join his side. This is really a ploy by Gambit who uses it as a better way to defeat Goth. Another contingent of X-Men show up to help out, but don’t know of the ploy, Rogue is with them. It’s X-Man vs. X-Man! This is interesting because Rogue and Gambit have always been viewed as the most suspicious of the X-Men given that they’re both essentially turncoats in some way to someone else. Gambit gets Rogue to trust him as seen from above. The X-Men capture Goth, but run into some problems. Goth defeats most of the other X-Men. The only way for Rogue to defeat Goth is to kill him by absorbing Gambit’s powers. Gambit comforts her because she feels she has betrayed the values of the X-Men. Gotta love CC. He knows how to write these two and their romance because he created them.

So umm yeah…Rogue err…Sookie is all dazed from this.

Eric walks out of the hall slouching! OMG YES!

‘Hey…all…how’s it going?’ How awesome is Eric and AS? He’s proving why he’s blended into humanity for thousands of years! For some reason when he said ‘Hey all’ I just heard Colbert doing that Gay Fat Al impression.

Eric as a nerd! He even talks in a higher register! ‘Steve sent me over to man the exit here. ‘

‘Think I can take it from here.’ ‘By yourself?’ ‘Uh yeah.’ No, he’s not a big scary vampire! And oh Eric, no amount of slouching is gonna make you shorter.

‘You’re big and all, but there’s a vampire on the loose.’ LOL.

‘Where’s your stake?’ ‘Oh…dang!’

‘I forgot.’

‘Maybe I can borrow yours if…if that’s okay?’ Can he get any cuter? Bill wouldn’t even think of trying to blend in. He’d just go in and kill them all.

‘I can’t do that. Get your own.’

Eric starts using some vampire persuasion. ‘I’d very much like to borrow your stake.’ *Snicker* What’s a stake but a very phallic object? I mean it’s just a pointy dildo…

Yeah, you can stake me. ‘Yeah, that’d be okay I guess.’

OH NO! STAKE! Cue Club Dead line!

Eric kung fu’s a bitch!

‘Eric, you don’t have to kill him!’ All the rest of the SOS scatter! COWARDS!

The moment may be crazy tense, but eventually Eric actually LISTENS to Sookie, unlike Bill and doesn’t. I mean, if Bill listened to Sookie that cop wouldn’t have peed his pants and the Hambys would probably still be sane.

Eric and Sookie attempt to leave by front entrance, but they are blocked by a mob with wooden arrows!

Sookie suggests the sanctuary. Does anyone else find it crazy amusing that Sookie has to take like two steps for every one of Eric’s? She’s trotting to keep up after him, while Eric scopes the place like a wolf or you know, Cameron.

Just as Sookie is about to tell Eric where the exit is, their party is crashed!

‘There are several exits, actually. For you, the easiest one takes you straight to hell.’ Oh Steve, never change lol.

Sookie asks him to let them leave while Eric assumes attack pose. Bullets pop out of him too! And although some facets of fandom want it, his eyes unfortunately do not glow red, unless they are of course, BluRay backgrounds. They are surrounded. ‘Save yourselves. No one has to die!’ But if you can’t die, what’s the point of religious fanaticism?

‘The war has begun, you evil whore of Satan.’ I prefer Santa. Oh and it looks like Jacob Marley is in this fall. I don’t think they’re metalheads. And Steve?

Steve says the vamps provoked him first by killing his family. Wow that boy is tall.

‘The lines have been drawn. You’re either with us, or against us.’ This is Steve’s version of Live Together, Die Alone. ‘We are prepared for Armageddon.’ But what about me? I’m not! I haven’t built my bomb shelter yet! How inconsiderate.

Sookie tries to reason. Godric got away. He’s a sheriff and he’s bound to send for help.

Steve is all Godric Schmodric! Any old vampire will do!

And oh look! It’s a vampire! Oops. DON’T YOU TOUCH MY ERIC! YOU ARE NOT BURNING HIM!

Sookie looks at Eric, and she’s kinda like ‘Oh crap, don’t do this.’

Eric does the classic action line! AWWW! ‘I’ll be fine.’ And you are just as psycho as Trombley.

Eric actually WALKS UP to meet his fate! What a guy!

Yeah Sookie, that’s a REAL hero.

He even volunteers himself with no preamble.

‘Brothers and Sisters, there will be a holy bonfire at dawn.’ CRA-ZY! You know bonfires are usually associated with? Paganism, the KKK…

Oh look! See I was right! Lor-Lor took Barry!

‘Look dear, Room Service sent a gift to us!’ LOL Lor-Lor!

Lorena likes the live meat.

Bill senses something from Sookie again and says ‘Suuuuukieeeehhh!’ *Roll* It’s like his frakking catchphrase.

‘That bothersome human. She’s like an alarm clock you can’t switch off. Blah, blah, blah, blah. And then ten minutes later, blah.’ No kidding. I knew there was a reason I liked you Lorena. I do that everytime Bill talks. ‘Blah, blah, blah, blah.’

Lor-Lor offers Bill the first bite of Barry.

Bill is not hungry! He’s a vegetarian! One of those stuffy organic ones! And whoa! Jackface!

He also looks exactly like Jack…Wow. Below, the Jackface to end all Jackfaces.

Oh please. ‘As I recall, your appetite was always insatiable. This human act that you do for your girlfriend is charming and all, but we both know better.’ Interesting. I don’t doubt that Bill wants to be good, but I also think he is incredibly dangerous because he can’t control himself and until he accepts himself for who he is, he never will be able to. You have to accept all of yourself before you can make a change.

Barry begs for his life, Bill makes another eye rolling comment, Lor-Lor will let him go once she’s eaten. Catch and release. Duh.

Lor-Lor drinks him.

I spy with my little eye…

Apparently Barry tastes different…Hmm… Also, is Eric the only one who can eat without spilling his sauce everywhere? Honestly.

What could Barry possibly be and what is that ripping noise I hear?

That was a TV.

Oh but she is NOT down!

Just when you thought it couldn’t get more WWE. IN ONE CORNER WE HAVE RATTY BBBBBBBBB!!!!

I say you bill Compton for the room Eric.

Bill carries Barry out. I wonder if he’s considered a career as a fire fighter…Well duh, he’d burn up.

NOOOO!!! Not Lorena! She had better not be dead! She’s pretty vile, even for a vampire, but I love her for it. This is so one more hit against Bill in my book.

Meanwhile, Hoyt and Jessica are in the throes of passion.

Only to be busted by Billdo. Why does he look like he just saw the dog pee on the carpet? Watching you and Sookie do it is waaaaaayyy more disgusting. Takes one to know one…

‘I…I…I don’t know what you heard, but those were screams of pleasure.’ LOL Hoyt!

Just kill her now!

Bill tells Hoyt that if he really cares about Jessica, he will drive her back to Bon Temps this very moment!

True Blood proves once again they like to have fun transitions when they go to Laffy pulling out the Lovers from a pack of Tarot cards. Should we call him Hitomi?

He’s reading Tara’s fortune and it is NOT good. It calls for a sacrifice in matters of the heart. Foreshadowing!

Tara will have to make a choice.

Lafayette pulls the card of Justice. OOOOH. Maybe they’ll have to justify Maryann’s existence…

Eggs comes in. He is freaked out and needing to talk to Tara.

Laffy is going to go clean a grill or something. Is it just me or does he really not like Eggs?

Eggs had another blackout. I can’t believe he’s been around Maryann so long without getting it checked out. Sheesh. He’s lost the last couple of hours. Oh you know, when he was killing Daphne. He woke up by the lake and he doesn’t know how he got there.

Tara is going to take him home.

Meanwhile, Jambo shows up at the FOTS Church, but they don’t let him in. They’re in lockdown after all. ‘Yeah, that’s why they sent for me. I’m a cadet with the Light of Day Institute.’ LOL.

‘Honesty.’ *Giggle snort*

‘Dude, honesty.’ Umm…Sweet? Remember what I said about Jacob Marley? That look is coming to a mall near you! Nothing screams Suburbia like Jacob Marley.

Just like that, Jason is in the club. He tells Jay that they’ve got the vamp surrounded with some fangbanger chick and they’re gonna take him to Steve, but Jason is like ‘Not so fast!’ He’s got it.

‘Hey is that a paintball gun?’ Don’t underestimate the power of the paintball!

He may look stupid…

but he is a pistol-whipping redneck. Watch out for pistol whipping rednecks and redheads. Just anything with red…

Jason drags the sucker off.

Sam is sleeping in his car as his phone goes off. Sleeping in your car? Really Sam.

He pulls out a Motorolla that everybody and their grandma has. Oh look! Merlotte’s is calling. Weird. Oh and it’s just 12:48am.

Sam picks up. There’s nothing but heavy breathing. LOL.

So what does Sam do but walk right into Merlotte’s. SMART.

OMG! The freezer is ajar! What could possibly be in the freezer?

With her heart kamehameha’d out too, it’s a Daphsicle! But you know the heart is closer to the centre of the chest and just turned to the left right?

Poor doggie.

Instead of calling 911, Sam gets garbage bags…SMART.

This is so sad! He’s covered her with garbage bags like a blanket.

Sam makes a decision and calls 911, like he should have the moment he found the frozen deer meet in the freezer.

But just as the line picks up, sirens and lights go off and we hear the voices of cops! Sam has been set up!

Oh look! Maryann is cooking again!

Oh look! It’s Daphne’s heart all fresh and cut out of her body, waiting in a mortar and pestle.

See that bigger side, that’s the left side. It’s the left aorta and the left ventricle. It’s bigger because it pumps blood to the rest of the body, the smaller side is the right aorta and the right ventricle because it pumps blood to the lungs that are right next door. Oh c’mon! It’s just meat, you know, a big muscle. I’ve done sheep heart dissections. It’s not that gross.

Maryann begins chopping up that sucker and it’s bleeding like a bitch.

Maryann puts that meat into the stir fry. Coeur de Daphne looks delicious. On that note, did you know that humans can biologically eat each other, but other animals can’t? Like cows and sheep. That’s why they get foot in mouth disease and mad cow and all that.

Oh wow, Eric is smoking and it’s not because of his hotness this time…They are burning my Eric with silver chains! NOOOOOOOO! At least he’s going down with silver chains and not a silver necklace. Harumph.

Steve spews some shit about how this is related to Jesus and how silver will burn a child of Satan to his congregate of LODI trainees. The Vikings weren’t Christian in Eric’s time…but anyway… Sookie says it doesn’t make any sense lol.

‘I offer myself in exchange for Godric’s freedom…and the girl’s as well.’ Interesting. I believe Eric on Godric’s note…but Sookie, is he doing this for her benefit of hearing him say it or is it something more? Steve Newlin has declared war and well, there are always terms of war, one of the most basic from like forever, being that you spare the women and children. I really think this is where Eric’s mindset is. Eric has a sense of nobility about him.

Steve says that it’s noble, but being that Sookie is just as culpable, and because she’s a race traitor, nope. No freedom. That just makes Steve more barbaric.

Steve wonders if he could tie them together so they could meet the sun together! Ooooh.

Spot the drama queen tiara! There is screaming from outside, I wonder what carnage Bill lay to get to her? And who bursts through the doors but Bill, screaing ‘SUUUUUUUUKIIIIIEEEEHHHH!’ *Roll* Can he be more predictable and melodramatic? Instead of rescuing her, all he does is run around screaming ‘SUUUUUUCKKKKYYY!’ Very useful isn’t he?

Steve points the gun at Sookie and it’s like, yeah, don’t really care. A. She’s annoying. B. Like she’s gonna get popped in the head. Honestly. This is no Battlestar Galactica. I doubt True Blood has the guts to airlock.

If you shoot her, everyone here will die!’ Oh look! Eric was right! Bill is a loose canon. By saying what he has, he has proven Eric right exactly and pretty much justified why he got Lorena to hold him up. I’m thinking everyone implies women and children too. How nice of him. He has no consistency. He’s such a good guy, he’ll do the right thing, but if Sookie is threatened, it’s all back to lawlessness and cruelty and somehow he’s given a free card for that, just because it’s Sookie. I call BULLSHIT! Sookie should pay attention. But I doubt she will…she needs to get bit in the ass and quickly. One last thing, TAKE YOUR HOLIER THAN THOU ATTITUDE AND SUCK IT BILL! SUCK IT! You have no basis for ANY moral high ground. Not when you kill people in cold blood.

‘Honestly, what do they see in you?’ We don’t know either, Steve!

They are about to chain up Bill too. The moron went in without a plan, he didn’t even scope out the place! Idiot. He doesn’t even have an ‘exit strategy’ and let’s not even talk about troop numbers…

You know what’s funny? Jason Stackhouse, the village idiot DID have a plan. What does that say about Bill? He didn’t let everyone know he was coming either. He shoots Steve in the hand with a paintball! AWESOME!

‘LET HER GO FUCKWAD!’ Go Jambo!

OMFGLMFAO! HE GOT THE DWEEB IN THE FOREHEAD! LMFAOROFL! YES! BULLSEYE! That Jason has awesome aim!

Also that hair is like Nikki Sixx getting water poured over him in SOLA. It just don’t move!

If you did not die laughing, here’s something extra special:

Bill runs over to Sookie in the distraction. *Yawn*

‘Son of a bitch!’ Okay, YOU SOOO do not get to say that. It does not have the Sawyer Stamp of Approval! Those splatters look like stickers now. Makeup kinda sucks. How can they do blood spewing out of neck and not paintball splatter? The paint should look more 3D.

Steve isn’t cool enough to say ‘sunovabitch!’ You need to be badass and know how to rock a black shirt. RIP Sawyer’s black shirt. We miss you, but you took a bullet hole and haven’t been seen since.

RIP Tim’s black v-neck. It’s still buried in your closet somewhere…pull it out! You too rock a black button down.

May the black tank top never be retired. It is more awesome than your black button down. Isn’t it weird that the light hits these guys from the left?

Sookie pushes Bill away and runs up to Eric, while Bill shouts ‘SUUUUUKEEEEEEEHHHH!’ again. Interesting huh? Apparently Bill wants to leave his sheriff to burn. Nice guy.

Sookie pulls the chains from Eric’s body while Bill worries about himself again. He wants to run like the yellow bellied fish he is!

‘Let’s go.’ But I think Eric is angry and has a score to settle.

Oh wow…look at those arms.

‘Eric! Do not kill him!’ ‘Kill him!’ I guess the Stackhouses have a difference of opinions lol.

But which one will Eric choose as the bloodlust settles in!? Eric starts growling. That was kinda hot.

‘Go ahead martyr us! Martyr us before God. We are willing to die!’ Umm…seriously? And wow arms! Eric is Bad. He’s all ‘your butt is mine!’

I have an avatar for this:

There is suddenly a lot of noises. All the Fall 09 Jacob Marley clones are like OMG!

Look who joins the party! ‘Steve Newlin, you have pushed us too far. You expect us to sit on our thumbs while you round up your men to come lynch us? We’ll kill you first.’ Theme! This episode is all about provoking… Oh look! To the left, it’s REAL Chow. Of course, no Japanese dude with Yakuza tats would give himself a Chinese name, ie. Chow.

‘Same way we did your father.’ Oops!

‘Murderer!’ Thank you, Captain Obvious.

Eric has a really tight grip though, he only loosened up so he could look at Stan. And then it’s back to my windpipe! Can’t breathe!

‘Destroy them! All of them!’ And it is time for feeding!

ATTACK! The vamps have become blurs of speed! This is a gratuitous cap to appreciate those broad shoulders. That is the best tank top ever.

Sookie wants Bill and Eric to stop the bloodshed, but Bill just wants to cut out! Yellow belly! ME, ME, ME! Eric laughs in the face of danger! HA, HA, HA, HA.

They are however halted by the voice of Godric from the balcony in biblical looking prison garb. Jesus figure.

‘You came for me, I assume. Underling?’ ‘Yeah sheriff.’ And just like that, Stan is called off. I kinda wanted some blood and guts though.

Don’t you just love how he’s framed by the beams in the roof? ‘These people have not harmed me. You see, we can coexist.’

‘Mr. Newlin, I do not wish to cause bloodshed when none is called for. Help me set an example. If we leave you in peace, will you do the same?’ Eric is SO over that little bitch. Godric is like Gandhi, but with bite. He’s also idealistic, but pragmatic. He has a vision but knows that sometimes violence is necessary.

‘I will not negotiate with subhumans.’ Your loss.

He offers himself to Eric. ‘Kill me.’ This is like Hoggle and Bowie in Labyrinth…Almost.

Bitch please! You are too pathetic for my tastes. Feeding from the willing is no fun. Killing…even less.

‘Jesus will protect me.’ Your little bitch ass? Really?

‘I’m actually older than your Jesus. I wish I could have known him, but I missed it.’ LOL. I come from the land of the ice and snow from the midnight sun where the hot springs blow… Well, he’s got Runes tattooed on his right arm. That’s Scandinavian right?

‘Good people, who of you is willing to die for this man’s madness?’ He’s very noble. I like that.

Who wants to be it? Not me!

‘That’s what I thought, stand down, everyone.’ Is it just me or does Godric have a cross between an English and an Austrian/Ahnold accent?

‘People, go home. It’s over now.’ Stan reluctantly lets his dinner get away. LOL, Godric needs to stand on the second step.

Sookie hugs Bill all happy it’s all over. *Roll* ‘It’s alright you’re safe now.’ *Yawn* That sounds rather ironic, given five minutes ago he was ready to massacre the entire FOTS. Shortsighted, that Bill. He called what Stan wanted to do madness, and yet he was about to do the same. Hypocrite.

Everyone files out as Steve begs them not to leave him. LOL. Goes to show… Oh and that chick in the red pants should play Bella Donna Boudreaux. She would be perfect.

‘I daresay my faith in humanity in humankind is stronger than yours. Come.’

‘Sir, after what these humans have done to you…’ ‘I said “Come”.’ And that was that.

‘Are you sure you’re okay?’ WOW, that is some serious eye contact. It’s VERY interesting that Eric is asking her that.

Billdo butts in. ‘She’s fine!’ Whoa? Did you smell that? It was total dog piss. It even rhymes with ‘She’s mine!’ Poorly played, Bill. And *Roll* Possessive much? I would post ‘She Mine’ by Velvet Revolver…but Bill doesn’t deserve the awesome that is Slash and Duff…

‘Go with your maker.’ How rude. Also, don’t you love how Sookie doesn’t even look at Bill when he starts talking? She’s still engaging in eye contact with Eric. Yes, Bill, you are the third wheel right now.

If you watch the show again, Sookie actually doesn’t break from staring at the spot where Eric was until she finally hugs Jason…Interesting.

Jason asks for forgiveness in his actions and Bill seems reluctant even to let Sookie’s brother give her a hug.

‘What are you even doing with them? Are you out of your mind?’ I was. It was like that son of a bitch sucked out my brain and planted all his own babies in there.’ LOL Jason.

‘You know nothing. On the final day of reckoning, we’ll see who goes to heaven and who goes to hell.’

‘I reckon I already been to heaven. It was inside your wife.’ Oh Jason. You had to go there, but we love you for it.

This is right before he gets a sucker punch. Go Jason.

Sookie is kinda like…Okkkaaaay…this is Jason. And let’s go! While Bill goes back to restrain Jay, all high handed like…Sigh.

Jason throws back his Ring of Honesty, right where he got Steve with the paintball to the hand. ‘Honesty, my ass, shithead. White suit motherfucker.’

And now Steve is left all alone in his church with no one to follow him. What is a dictator without those who follow? Nothing.

Meanwhile, Bud and Kenya are asking Sam questions. They got an anonymous tip.

He was framed! Why would he keep a body in his own refrigerator? Was it a woman’s voice? No shit, Sam. Like BIG DUH. You’re just like Beeeelll with his sucker punch face last episode. Seriously.

Kenya asks Sam if he had a relationship with Daphne and Sam tells her he did and the reason why he isn’t so beat up about her being gone is because they broke up. They think he used to love her, but he had to kill her.

They ask Sam if he was angry about it. Sam wants them to trust him. It’s bigger and crazier than they could possibly imagine. Like a cop is just gonna take that on good faith!

Kenya and Bud point out that it’s the second time a woman has been found dead in their parking lot in two weeks and the third waitress of Merlotte’s who has died. OOOOH.

They can’t pin this on him! It was Rene! They know Sam…they know Sam about as well as a guy who doesn’t have a birth record, social security number. They can’t even find out where he went to high school! Mighty suspicious! Bud tells him to save it!

This is when Andy shows up! He thinks Sam is innocent.

He may be off duty, without a badge and a sidearm, but he’s still got his radio! Go Andy! They’ve got the wrong guy! Sam is the victim!

‘I saw him nearly get killed last night.’ You haven’t changed since then either… ‘By the bull. A bull, with claws! In a dress! With claws!’

Bud and Kenya have had enough!

Andy explains that Daphne is all part of this and tried to kill Sam too. He tried to fight them off, but sustained a war wound! LOL. ‘I’m corroborating here, Sam. Tell ’em! Help me. ‘

‘If I told you that’s what happened, would you believe me?’

Not until pigs fly! Kenya has nice eyebrows. Sookie should take note. Kenya’s brows are PERFECT.

‘Aww shit.’

Tara tells Eggs that he’s not the only one who’s blacking out. They include Terry and Arlene too. Oh and it might be a gas leak. I don’t think any gas leak has ever done THIS. If it’s carbon monoxide poisoning, you’d all be dead by now. Seriously. *Roll*

What about Andy? Andy is crazy. Duh. Eggs has a really bad feeling that he did something bad, well that’s because you did. Bambi killer.

Maryann interupts and finds out they’re trying tp piece together the last few days…She decides that someone is enjoying themselves too much. Uh huh. They’re going to ease up on the partying. Oh and she’s made a snack. DUN DUN DUN!

She’s made Hunter Soufflé. LOL! You killed Bambi AND Thumper! Oh and you’ve never heard of it because it’s a whole lot of shit.

The crazy pastry bleeds! Creepy. Also, why is it so red? Did she put some beets in there, because blood doesn’t stay red when you cook it…

Eggs feeds Daphne to Tara, apparently Daphne is delicious.

Among other things she says…

Eggs also finds Daphne delightful.

She is just LOVING this. Maryann is totally like the witch in Hansel and Gretel. Only creepier.

Eggs and Tara forgo good table manners and gorge this thing down…

Party at Godrics! Godric greets his guests like a king in his 31st century throne. Stan welcomes him home, but Godric is just like ‘Yeah…whatever.’ LOL. He knows where it’s at. Daddy knows you were being bad, Stan!

Jason proves that he’s a good guy. Oh and some humans too! He apologizes for what the FOTS put him through.

Godric doesn’t dismiss him, ‘You saved many lives today, Mr. Stackhouse. Please know you have friends in this area whenever you visit.’ He is awesome. He really is regal and kingly.

Jason doesn’t know if he’ll be wanting to come back soon though LOL.

Jason almost makes an escape, but runs into Eric. ‘Hail the conquering hero.’ AHHHHHHH!!! GK LINE! AHHHHHH! Eric is very tall lol. Good for intimidation.

Jason brushes it off.

‘You are in this town. But in my area we know you well as a buyer and user of vampire blood. That’s a very grave offense.’ LOL Eric.

But Jason doesn’t do it anymore and he’s cute!

‘All things considered, however, we’ll call it even.’ He’s so just doing this to get on Sookie’s good side or use it as leverage later. And OMFG! He used a Slash expression! He says ‘all things considered’ a LOT. There was even an awesome fansite with a gazillion proshot pictures, tons of Robert John ones, and interviews called ‘allthingsconsideredslash.com’ years ago.

‘But you won’t be doing it again.’

‘Good boy. Run along.’ LOL.

Eric has had much fun with his pet.

Meanwhile, Sookie notes that Bill has avoided being alone with her all night. He says it’s nonsense. Ha. There he goes again, belittling her and avoiding/dodging questions. He’s horrible with communication. Alan Ball said earlier this season that BS would last so long as they communicated and were honest with each other, being that they aren’t, EPIC FAIL.

Sookie wants to know and she’s not taking ‘It’s complicated’ for an answer. Where were you, Bill? She wants to know what kept him because he’s ALWAYS been there for her even in broad daylight and we all know how much I enjoyed Crispy Bill… I’ve had enough of Sookie needing him. Seriously. Stop the cling wrap.

Bil was ‘held’. That is what you call a dodge and a euphemism. Just SPIT it out.

‘Held like kidnapped? By Eric?‘ Could we stop blaming Eric like Canada please? KThnxBai.

‘Mmm…heard my name. I hope you were speaking well of me.’ Go Eric!

‘Why should I? You let me walk into a trap.’ Why is Sookie nicer to Eric when Bill isn’t around? Seriously. Suspicious! And veerrrry interesting too. Is she trying to reassure Bill’s insecurity or pretend she isn’t attracted to him?

‘I regret that. If I had known it was a possibility…’

‘You did know, but because it was Godric, you’d risk anything.’ She’s got you there, buddy. Interesting how she knows this about him.

The bond between a vampire and his maker is stronger than you can imagine. Perhaps one day you’ll find out.’

Bill is all ‘Say whaaaaat?’ He even got whiplash!

Eric is all Give Into Me. (Isn’t it just a little weird when Slash who is half black and half Caucasian is darker than MJ?) Also, how about some continuity! Eric just got a magic five o’clock shadow. Someone forgot to use the electric razor to give him STUBBLE, not shadow.

Sookie’s all…This is awkward.

Buttons, Eric knows where to push them. Seems like E is the only one not weirded out lol.

Jessica and Hoyt are back to getting it on. I don’t like the Mom skirt.

Bill will never know that they’re doing it in his house. There’s two hours before dawn.

Aww…Jess has never wanted something so much in her life.

Things are looking good.

But wait! Something is wrong! And there’s blood again! OH NO!

‘It fucking grew back!’ So if hymen can grow back, how come hair can’t? I read an article about how TB was saying something to women through Jessica about sexuality and sex being bad and that trope again. You know chastity belts and all that? …and I say…well, that just sucks. Like we need any more restricting and dated portrayals of women on this show.

She doesn’t want Hoyt’s comfort, that every time will be like their first time. ‘I’m a fucking deformity of nature.’ Poor girl! ‘I’m gonna be a virgin forever.’

This PYT needs some TLC.

What will Hoyt do? He kinda looks like a cross between Nate Fick/Stark (Yes This Is a Stage Name) Sands and Matt Damon.

Oh look! A hobbit grabs an elf.

‘I don’t like being touched.’ ‘Oh believe me, I do not like touching you.’ Homoerotic much? The first of two homoerotic references to Bill, obvious ones that involve man touching. I wonder why?

Bill raises his neck 3 inches in an attempt to be taller. ‘Your contact with Sookie will cease from this moment.’ Is he seriously ordering around ERIC? HIS SHERIFF? IDIOT! YOU ARE COMPLETELY INCOMPETENT! Someone should have eaten his veggies and wheaties and drank some milk…He’s more of a brat than John Connor when he lost the emo hair.

‘That’s hardly your decision.’ No shit! It’s Sookie’s. What a high handed idiot. Bill’s always making decisions for others. It’s smothering and disgusting. Eric’s got it right here. Not to mention that Sookie made a deal DIRECTLY with Eric, not Bill, ERIC. She would help Eric whenever he needed it in exchange for sparing human lives and giving up humans to the proper authorities.

Calling my maker because you couldn’t win Sookie for yourself, that’s feeble and desperate, even for you.’ Oh Bill, silly Bill, he hasn’t even STARTED trying to win her over. Idiot. Secondly, he wasn’t trying to use Lorena to win her for the most part. He was using Lorena to distract you, so he could A, use an asset unfettered by Bill’s ‘MAHN’ness and B, to protect the world from Bill going on rampage and killing everything. But of course, Bill is shortsighted, literally, and can’t see beyond ME, ME, ME!

‘Are you picking a fight?’ It is terribly cute, isn’t it Eric? Let’s see, Eric’s arms are already longer than Bill’s, there’s an advantage and Oh yeah! Eric is about 10 times older! Meaning he’s faster and stronger. Idiot, he’s biting off more than he can chew. And if Eric wants Sookie, he can simply take her and you can do nothing about it. He’s got the resources and the manpower, so how about instead of pissing him off, you actually THINK and stop being reactionary like Jack.

‘I’d like to see you try.’ We would like to see it too. Bill needs to be punched. Seriously.

‘She will never be yours.’ AHAHAHAHAHAHA! Superlatives are bad. Never use them. They will bite you on the ass. Can that fall hurry up, please TB! I’ve had enough of Sucky Boy and his incessant blah. ‘And there is nothing you can do. In this you are powerless. Accept it.’ What are you smoking Bill? There’s PLENTY Eric can do.

Let’s translate Bill: I’ll kick your fucking ass. I’ll kick you off the fucking set, you prick…Think for one fucking second! The fuck are you doing? Are you professional or not? …What don’t you fucking understand? Hey, you got any idea? It’s fucking distracting…Why are you trashing my scene? You’re trashing my scene! …Seriously man, you and me, we’re fucking done professionally. Fucking ass. That is how unprofessional he is.

I swear, Bill is so busy paying attention only to himself, he doesn’t realize that Eric has already upstaged him like Slash did to MJ during the 95 MTV Music Awards show. Sure, it was totally scripted, (They even did it at several concerts which made you really know it was scripted…)but you know what? You don’t give Slash the stink eye if he wasn’t stealing your thunder.

And then Izzy breaks up that scene by bringing in Hugo. Phooey! ‘Here is the one who betrayed us.’

Everyone watches the scene, it’s like POPCORN! And I feel bad for the people behind Eric. lol. There was another cap before this one…but I just really like the angle and it makes me LOL….so…

Godric asks Izzy if she loves Hugo and I am brought back to the farce of the trial in Lost aka, Efftown ‘Do you love the acused?’ Ugh. Not a good thing lol.

Isabel thought she loved Hugo. Awww…

Godric sees that Isabel still loves Hugo.

Isabel admits that she does, but she will submit herself to Godric’s will. Hey Bill, THIS is how you’re SUPPOSED to behave towards your sheriff.

In a surprising decision, Godric takes mercy upon Hugo and decides that he is free to go, only he must never return. He stands firm on the decision when Stan questions him. ‘This is a travesty.’ ‘This is my verdict.’

Godric gets his star child to take out the trash while Izzy thanks Godric for his mercy. Godric is very interesting.

In other news, Sookie wants to know why Bill was talking with Eric if he kidnapped him and she is not taking his dodging. Why is she jumping to that conclusion? Honestly.

Bill explains that it wasn’t Eric…You know, Bill making his speech to Eric is just STUPID, because now Sookie knows something’s up. It makes himself look like an idiot. Not only that, it does the complete opposite of doing what he wants, which is laying Eric off Sookie. By showing HIS interest in Sookie, it makes Eric curious as to why he covets Sookie so much, it makes Eric want her more. Bill is just stupid. Honestly. And polite? When has he ever been polite to Eric? Especially this season. He plays VERY poorly.

But before he can say more, he is interrupted by Jason who has something to say to Bill and Bill takes this and runs with it, instead of explaining to Sookie. Dodger. He should just spit it out. He keeps on failing to be honest. Even if he knows Sookie isn’t going to like it, he should be honest with her, but he isn’t. He omits things, important things. What kind of relationship do you have if you can’t be honest to the person you’re with? Not a very strong one that’s what.

Sookie needs to get out of this cycle:

The sheriff tosses Sam in jail. Bud says that if someone really is after him like he says, then jail is the safest place for him. I don’t get why Sam just didn’t show his phone records. That he got a weird call from Merlotte’s and went to check it out.

It’s in jail that Sam meets the peanut gallery of revellers who are also in the slammer. Jane Bodehouse, town drunk, sans pants.

Apparently they’ve been making many similar arrests tonight…Hmm…looks like Maryann’s profile is expanding…Things are gonna end quickly now. PLEASE! ‘Must be a full moon.’ ‘Pretty sure it’s not.’ LOL. Nice Easter Egg True Blood.

Meet Mike Spencer, pine tree sodomizer. Eww. ‘Yeah…they say, uh, I sodomized a pine tree.’ ‘What’d you do that for?’ ‘I don’t know. Musta blacked out. Gotta be true, my pecker’s got all kinds of scratches on it.’ LOL TB.

Sam is definitely in for worse than sodomy. You think suspected murder is bigger than sodomy?

Jason apologizes to Bill for being racist towards vampires. Go Jason. What a man. He realizes that it was his own ignorance standing in the way.

Bill is rather proud of himself and it’s like dude, you’re one of the reasons why there are people who are racist towards vampires when you run into churches and say you’ll kill everyone. Smart. Bill doesn’t realize his own racist prejudices towards himself, nor how he perpetuates racism towards his race. Jason may have been ignorant, but Bill has always been. Bill thanks Jason for helping to rescue Sookie. What? Eric doesn’t get one either? If I remember correctly, Eric was the one who got her as far as the sanctuary and got chained up with silver for his troubles…

Jason says it’s the least he can do after everything he’s done. He’s sorry it took him so long to wake up to it. This is a really awkward man conversation.

Jason hugs Bill. LOL.

This is a really loooong hug.

‘Was that okay for you?’

‘It was fine.’ What is it with Bill and all the homoerotic touching scenes in this episode? LOL. Are you trying to tell me something writers?

Izzy sees Godders, but walks right on by…awww. And look! It’s REAL!Chow again!

Eric struts in like he owns the place. With a small shake of his head, everyone clears the room. POWER.

He tells Godric that Hugo has been dispatched and told not to stop driving until he hits the Mexican border.

Because Eric is a very thoughtful son, he has arranged for a very rare AB negative human for Daddy to feed on. I find it cool that Eric kneels for him. Part of it is a concession to height, but also because he really respects Godric. It’s really amazing how different the relationship is between Eric and Godric and Bill and Lorena. It’s also worth mentioning the differences between Pam and Eric and Jessica and Bill. Eric respects, reveres and loves his dad. Pam is very loyal to her dad. She even thinks of him as a hero, like Eric does Godric. (In a cut scene from S1 at the grave yard, Pam says ‘You’re a maker now. You’re a hero.’ and that Eric saved her from a life of old age and wrinkles.) Bill has nothing but resentment for Lorena, Jessica is going down the path of resentment towards Bill. It’s not hard to see which family is functioning.

Godric thanks him, but he is not hungry. Interesting…I think it’s looking likely that Godric is bored of humanity and ready to move on.

Aww, Eric gets all cute. ‘You have to feed eventually. I doubt the Fellowship had anything to offer.’ LOL.

Daddy is not amused.

It makes Eric sad. ‘Why wouldn’t you leave when I first came for you?’

‘They didn’t treat me badly. You’d be shocked at how ordinary most of them are.’ Very interesting…

‘They do nothing but fan the flames of hatred for us.’ I really LOVE Eric/Godric scenes. They’re just enthralling.

‘Let’s be honest. We are frightening. After thousands of years, we haven’t evolved. We’ve only gone more brutal. More predatary. I don’t see the danger in treating humans as equals. The Fellowship of the Sun arose because we never did so.’

‘Is that why you wouldn’t fight when they took you?’ Well, Godric is someone Eric clearly admires, I think hearing him say this will be taken to heart, and we may see Eric change a little. Oh, he’ll still be Eric at the core, but one who doesn’t discount humans as much, with maybe a little bit more warmth. He’ll always be badass though.

‘I could have killed every last one of them within minutes. And what would that have proven?’

You can practically see the gears turning in Eric’s head. I think Godric hasn’t evolved the way Bill has, that killing was always bad and blah, blah, blah. He’s gotten this way because he’s bored and he wants more. Godric is like the figure who pulls vampires out from the Dark Ages into the Enlightenment. Vampires are dead set in their ways. They’ve been this way for thousands of years without changing and he’s just plain bored. There’s got to be more out there and maybe the way to that is to make a bridge between them and the humans, because these are two groups of people who could learn infinitely from each other if they only tried. That’s where the possibilities and excitement is. Bloodlust, killing, you’ve done it a gazillion times. They’re like junkies chasing that one great high. Well, it’s never as good as the first one. I think this is the crux of why Eric has an interest in Sookie. He does have the same view to Godric in many ways. He’s not a bad guy, he’s just complex.

Meanwhile, Eggs and Tara have inhaled Daphne and stained the tablecloth. Bleach! Quick!

Eggs and Tara are both freakishly giddy after having gluttonized that.

Eggs feels like a superhero and goes Hulk with his shirt. This is when you know bad shit will happen because they’re massively inebriated. He feels invincible. Uh oh.

They pretend they hate each other and sprout hurtful language, while Eggs pretends to choke Tara and everyone watching is like DUN, DUN, DUN! We can hear the Psycho violins playing!

Tara smacks a bitch and Eggs asks for more.

Maryann loves this…

Eggs likes Pain for Pleasure.

I loved this song…

Tara gets smacked around but likes it too…

They end up having sex. I am so bored of them…sigh.

A boot steps out of a car. Ominous! For some reason, when I first saw this on Sunday, I heard Slash going diew niew niew niew niew, diew niew niew niew niew, diew niew niew niew niew, diew niew niew niew niew on a red B.C. Rich Mockingbird, that Matt Sorum drum intro, Duff’s bass going ba da da, ba da da, Izzy’s guitar holding that one note and Axl going ‘YOU COULD BE MAAAAAAAAAIIII-YIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNEEE, BUT YOU’RE WAAAAY OUT OF LAAAAAAAAAAIIII-YIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNEEEEE!!!!’ and I didn’t know why… I kid you not. I literally heard this song cue.

This strange figure walks right into Godric’s party! OH NO!

Lorena crashes the party. I’m feeling the dress, but so not feeling the hair. Like WTF? Does your hair magically go Shirley Temple after you’ve been with Bill? If so, to avoid looking like a sheep, avoid Bill. Seriously. Or did the TV electrocute her or something? Apparently being hit by a TV gives you terrible curly hair. I also blame domestic violence. Anyway, someone is out for blood!

Lor-Lor introduces herself to Sookie. I feel the bitch coming on! ‘Hmm…yes, you’re what all the fuss is about.’ ‘Excuse me, who are you?’ ‘We have a mutual friend.’

‘Bill?’ Sookie doesn’t like her much…

‘Funny he never mentioned me. I practically made him what he is today.’ Why didn’t Bill mention Lor-Lor ever? Because he knew he would get in deep shit and now he’s in even deeper shit, but he’s got egg all over his face. Clearly, Sookie SHOULD know about Lorena, but Bill high handedly decides for her that it’s unnecessary.

He is soooo up shit creek without a paddle.

‘Oh, hello darling, I was just getting to know your plaything. You did always like to prey on the innocent.’ LOL. I kinda love Lorena, she’s such a bitch, but it’s the way the actress plays her. I love it. It’s like Wilhemina on Ugly Betty. So evil, but so awesome. Sookie should really pay attention to what Lorena’s saying, because she’s certainly not lying even though she’s being a bitch.

‘Bill, is this your maker?’

‘She released me years ago, she no longer has any hold on me.’ Suuuuuuuurrre. You say that now, but Lor-Lor certainly *held* you for two days…

Lorena is VERY amused by stupid Bill. ‘Oh I wouldn’t say that. We had two marvelous nights in your hotel room.’ LOL. This is SO like Alcide and Debbie in Club Dead.

‘WHAT!?’ Previously on Lost…’What?’

‘Did you know your boyfriend hit me over the head with a 52″ plasma television earlier tonight?’ LMAO. Oh Lorena, you make me LOL.

‘Everyone says they’re so thin and light, but let me tell you, when wielded properly, it’s quite a weapon.’ LOL. Her oneliners are sooo goood.

Bill says Lorena must leave, because he’s making him look bad. Sookie can only see him as a saint….or else! And you know…regardless of whether or not Bill and Sookie makes it through this, you have to think that her faith in him is shaken at least a little. She’s got the blinders on and Bill is so not the guy she thinks he is. And that’s Bill’s fault as much as her’s. I’m so tired of this relationship. It’s just too fast, too soon, so it expired even quicker. There was no build up, just like in the books, they got together too quickly, so all the flaws were always going to tear them apart and fast. Just hurry it up already.

‘I hope he doesn’t pull the same shenanigans with you. There’s no excuse for domestic violence.’ THIS. THIS is made of WIN. You know why? Bill does pull the EXACT same shenanigans. And domestic violence? I’ve got quite the revue that HE has done towards Sookie.

It starts with THIS:

And yet you like fighting with me.

Okay…let’s pause for a section “And yet you like fighting with me”? You know what I didn’t like about that? The fact that it implied that Sookie is causing trouble merely to cause trouble, that it’s her problem, that she’s the one disturbing the peace. Like What. The. Fuck? It’s so epically demonstrates Bill’s need to control and his emotionally abusive tendancies, using Sookie’s guilt to get him what he wants. He’s fermenting guilt in order to control her and make her think it’s her fault because she’s the one with the problem, not him.

Then Bill just brushes her off  like a dad to a little kid when she tries to say something back, clearly realizing that his guilt trip has worked. Even worse is that Sookie fell for it. I want the spitfire Sookie from the books who would put Bill or anyone else who did that to her. Sure, it demonstrates Sookie’s naivete and inexperience, but what does it say for a woman? Seriously.

Mental control and emotional abuse and leads to THIS:

‘Thank God you’re here!’

‘SHUT UP!’ Oh that’s nice.

Verbal abuse. The verbal abuse goes further into THIS:

‘Get the hell outta here so I can clean up your mess!’

‘Bill, please don’t kill them.’

‘This is *your* fault! Now get the hell out of here!’*SHOVE*

Positively charming, yelling at Sookie like that and once again, putting the blame on her. Sure, Sookie could have heeded his words better, but he is at fault too and he doesn’t have to handle it like this. We show our character when we’re under duress and Bill is certainly showing his. It looks a LOT like this:

Where you are badgered until you cry to reveal something, to feel guilty.

When you’re out of the secret club for something you couldn’t control. Shunned because you didn’t follow orders through and were made to feel guilty because of it.

When you have to beg on your knees because everything was your fault and you’re made to cry.

When you’re yelled at and badgered until you cry because you’ve kept a secret that is not the business of your partner to know and made to feel guilty because of it.

It sure looks a lot like that…a lot of power games, guilt harbouring and controlling. I really think Bill and Sookie are better apart than as a couple. All their happy couply scenes together are sickeningly sweet, if it’s not overly sweet, they’re bringout the worst in each other and on top of it, they’re boooring. Not only that, when she’s with Bill, Sookie is this stars-in-her-eyes, naive idiot. She’s capable and smart, except when she’s with Bill. She allows herself to be dumbed down instead of sticking it where it belongs and letting Bill know he can’t treat her like that. Sookie becomes Bill’s bunny and unlike Mikaela who tells the jock to shove it, Sookie doesn’t do that. She lets him get away wtih too much and it seems Bill is either taking advantage of her liniency or fostering it through his use of guilt as a control mechanism. Either way, this is just not healthy. I suggest they give Sookie a backbone before she becomes the pariah of True Blood like Kate…

Even more verbal abuse with some added physical abuse. But of course, the girlfriend/wife/mother isn’t the only one affected, it leads to THIS:

We start the episode ranging at 100 mph!

Bill is careening down the highway at breakneck speeds because he is PISSED. Mature ain’t it?

Sookie begs Bill to slow down, he’s scaring her! Jessica is crying in the back. Very after school special, no?

Bill stops the car abruptly on the side of the road!

It’s almost like he’s taken two hostages…Cue fight! Wait…didn’t they say they weren’t gonna be one of *those couples*…Oh, nevermind, it’s clearly Saturday night. After all, Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting. I can almost hear the love song! (from when Scott didn’t need at least 5 cheeseburgers…)

Waiting on a Sunday afternoon for what I read between the lines. Your lies. Feelin’ like a hand in rusted shame. So do you laugh or does it cry? Reply? Leavin’ on a southern train. Only yesterday you lied. Promises of what I seemed to be. Only watched the time go by. All of these things you said to me.

Sookie starts apologizing. It’s Jessica’s family after all…

Bill’s holding strong. Jess is a vampire after all. No, really Bill? And the mean part? She has no family. That’s really nice Bill. Just make Jessica feel welcome and loved.

Poor Jessica. ‘I’m a monster because of you. I hate you so much!’

“Be quiet.’

‘Eat shit!’ You tell him!

‘I said be quiet!’ Well, I guess that’s an improvement over telling her to ‘Shut up’ like he did to Sookie last episode.

Now Bill REALLY lays it into Sookie for ‘undermining his authority as her maker.’ We also learned that he glamoured Jessica’s family within an inch of their sanity. That’s just fuzzy, ain’t it? He did it for them.

Sookie understands that, and says she’s sorry.

‘You keep saying that and I’m expected to what? Forget this ever happened?’ Keep this up Bill and you’ll win father and boyfriend of the year.

Sookie tells Bill she understands that she shouldn’t have done it, but she was thinking about Gran.

‘That does not give you licence to behave like an irresponsible child!’ Verbal abuse and a simile, how pleasant. You know, he does an awful lot of yelling at Sookie.

Jessica is a loaded gun, not a doll to be dressed up and played with. Oh, Jessica is really feeling the love here.

Sookie gets out of the car even though it’s 20 miles to Bon Temps. I say good for her.

And just like that, the child is the victim.

Bill’s domestic violence has in fact expanded to Jessica. She leaves one horrible father and family for another. Her father is Bill, the diciplinarian who is harsh and meaner than a snake, who rules the household with an iron fist and creates an atmosphere of terror. He’s the reason she starts hating herself. Her mother Sookie, is just as dumb as her real mother, because she is an enabler of her father’s behavior and doesn’t protect her from his behavior. Beautiful relationship? Romantic? Never bought it. Functional relationship this is not. It is toxic, abusive and horrible. There may be many extrenuating factors, like the fact that it’s Sookie’s first relationship, but you know what? She should know better. She’s a telepath and she works in a bar, she comes around those people ALL the time and reads their mind. Secondly, Bill should know better, he’s how old? I don’t care that he’s a vampire, he should just know better. He does not treat Sookie with respect and he certainly doesn’t treat her as an equal, as seen by his information holding and dodging.

‘What she has failed to mention is that she was holding me prisoner!’ So that makes domestic violence okay? And you know what, Eric never asked Lorena to go as far as she did. He just wanted her to talk to Bill…Oh look it’s Bill’s staple facial expression no. 2.

‘Pshaw.’ LOL.‘We were just catching up is all. You must have been worried sick, wondering where he was.’

Yes, Sookie, you’re with THAT guy.

‘I admit, it got a bit…heated. But you know how old lovers can get sometimes.’ Once again, you are the company you keep and Bill certainly has questionable company…

‘Don’t you touch him.’ Here comes the white trash!

Oh look! Sookie puts on a show in her stripperific pharmacist outfit.

My we’re feisty too. *laughs* Mmm…You’re nothing more than a blood bag. You cannot win this.’ Lorena is sneering and provoking.

‘I’ll already won. Bill chose me and yet you still won’t give up. Don’t you have any shame?’ How does Sookie know all this for certain? Bill certainly never told her about this. Not to mention, she’s a total idiot and just provoked Lorena. And I’m totally reasonably okay with this, it’s total POPCORN. Just, they’re fighting over Bill. Seriously? Bill?

Bill wants Sucky to stop!

‘I’d listen to him. Run away, little girl.’ She most certainly should take the advice to heart…

‘William and I love each other.’ ‘You’ve gone mad. Now get out, NOW!’ Billie Jean is not my lover! And I am so done with this scene. I hate it when people make huge scenes. It’s so ewwwww… Oh and there goes Bill ordering people around again in the Angry!Voice…*Roll* Someone forgot to tell him they’re indoors.

Maybe you do love him. Who am I to guess? But he doesn’t love you. He never has and that we both know.’ Where and when and how does Sookie know this? Plot contrivance. And it’s making her look awfully arrogant and just ugh…idiotic. Nope, she couldn’t take the higher road…

‘Take those words back, or they shall be your last!’ And once again, Sookie is in over her head and being around Bill kills your braincells. I blame it on the rabies she got when she drank his blood. Hey, something must have gone bad with it while drinking the synthetic crap…

‘Go find someone else, you fucking bitch! You’ve lost this one.’ *Roll* Over Billdo? Billdo? Possessiveness is so unattractive.

And now the idiot is in trouble. Surprise, surprise…didn’t see that coming…

Just before Lor-Lor can drain Sookie dry like she deserves…Godric saves the day! Bill is useless again. ‘Retract your fangs. Now.’

Lor-Lor complies. I find it cool that her necklace is all dangling like that.

‘I neither know, nor care who you are, but in this area, and certainly in this nest, I am the authority. Do you understand?’ Don’t you love how Godric looks like a little kid, but he has so much power?

‘Yes sheriff.’

‘This human has proven herself to be a courageous and loyal friend to our kind, and yet you treat her like a child does a dragonfly, pulling off wings for sport. No wonder they hate us.’

‘She provoked me.’ That she did. She provokes all of us…Every last one of us! Give her a time out and the dunce cap too! You have to punish your lead characters for the problems they cause too! FFS! Lead characters should not get a free pass just because they’re in leading roles…It’s shitty writing.

‘And you provoked me. You disrupt the peace in my own home. I can snap you like a twig, but I haven’t. Now why is that?’ You got to be startin’ somethin’.

‘It’s your choice.’ It’s every vampire’s choice to behave how they see fit, to be barbaric, violent or to do as Godric has done. Godric is one who is consistent in his choices and actions. Bill…not so much.

‘Indeed it is. You’re an old vampire. I can tell. You’ve had hundreds of years to better yourself, but you haven’t. You are still a savage. And I fear for all of us, humans and vampires, if this behavior persists.’ Most definitely. You even have wolves in sheep’s clothing who will kill all in cold blood.

Godric tasks Bill with throwing out the trash. Bill replies ‘Yes sheriff.’ Hmm…you can respect Godric as a sheriff, but not your own? Inconsistent, it’s a mark against his character and another of his hypocrisies.

Godders wants Lor-Lor out of his area by dawn. For peace and trust have won the day, despite of all your losing.

‘I don’t know how it got this way. I can’t help that I still love you. You know I do…’

‘But now it’s become nothing but a constant humiliation.’ At least she knows it.

‘The pain you suffer, you’ve inflicted upon yourself.’ He’s right…but he’s still mean.

‘When will we see each other again?’ Oh Lorena, break the cycle. Join the KISS Army, I’m sure Gene will take care of you. The blood tears really work for it.

Bill tells Lorena to Beat It. ‘Never.’

Lorena tells Bill to Eat It. ‘We are immortal. Our paths are bound to cross eventually.’ She’s got you there!

Oh look, not 12 hours later after everything went down, Jason is already chatting up a girl.

The Boot has entered the house, just who could the boot be? This is when it hit me. What’s with the Terminator rip off?

OMG! It’s Luke, now I understand the Terminator rip! Get it! Lukinator! Interesting jacket. He is SO gonna pull out a huge machine gun and start ripping everything to shreds a la Ahnold! “Luke, what the fuck man?’

Luke pushes Jason away, uh oh!

‘Excuse me everyone, if I could have your attention. My name is Luke McDonald…’ This would be a great time for Derek and his fifty calibre rifle or the hyper alloy combat chassis, cybernetic organism of fuckawesomeness known as Cameron…

Oh look! There’s a place for your hands…

‘I am a member of the Fellowship of the Sun.’ Uh oh. Sarah Connor and her shotgun? A vat of molten steel?

‘And I have a message from Reverend Steve Newlin.’ Oh wow, Luke has gone suicide bomber. Looks like Steve didn’t take Godric’s message to heart. He’s like a barbaric vampire.

He’ll not be back.

Oh noes! Oh look, Bill’s circle of vengeance finally gets back at him. From killing Uncle Bartlett, to giving Sookie Bartlett’s money, to Sookie not wanting blood money and giving it to Jason, to Jason who took the blood money and used it to go to the FOTS and fund the FOTS, so they could buy such things as the goodies strapped to Luke, so Luke could go to Godric’s house and bomb it to pieces. Blame Bill. He’s the one who put Sookie in even more danger with his cycle of violence and vengeance.

Yowza! It’s like when Kristanna Loken’s T-X exploded because Ahnold stuffed his hydrogen core into her. Isn’t it interesting that Bill can’t save Sookie from the FOTS in ANY means? It’s almost karmic payback. It’s like because he hates himself, he furthers racism and the agenda of the FOTS, and therefore, can’t save Sookie because it would counter that…Storywise, it’s interesting…

Until then, save a long ship, ride a Viking. 😉 You can thank qt for that one!

As usual, the caps are from marishna on LJ and supplemented by black-celebration.net and ones I made by myself. Bluebear made the Gifs. Lost caps are from Lost-Media. The BS Gif is from starryeydmagic’s LJ.

I miss TSCC! I miss Derek and Cameron! Why, FOX, why!?

I would love to hear your feedback and hoped you enjoyed this extra long recap…the better the episode, the more I have to work with.

~simba_317


51 Responses to “Paintballs Are Lethal”

  1. […] As usual, click the picture! […]

  2. Omg Paintballs are definitely lethal. Simba I love ur recaps its like your in my head or something lol. I think this episode was everyone’s favorite. Jason rocked this episode and Eric was absolutely F*CKAWESOME!!!!!!
    CAN’T WAIT FOR SINDAY 🙂

  3. One words, hilarious! Cans waits fos Sunday cher. Excellent jobs 😉

  4. Billdo… *snickers*

  5. I laughed so hard I cried, literally. One mind, my friend.

  6. I always enjoy your recaps, and this one was no different!!

    I have a little theory about Godric; I think that he was maybe born in Pictland (modern-day Scotland). The Picts did have their own sets of runes as well. They were also known for having many tattoos covering their bodies (their name is derived from “Pecti” which meant “Painted People” in Greek).
    Lol sorry for the history lesson, I’ve been waiting to spew this theory forth 😀

  7. Fantastic as usual!!

    Cheers!

  8. Your recaps are all kinds of awesome. Best episode to date. I loved all your caps, was lol’ing from start to finish and really loved Sawyer, Riggins and Eric all together, all in black and all looking hot as hell. Total win!!

  9. I loved the animations. Not that I need them if I feel the urge to giggle at True Blood scenes, but they help 😉 That was pretty awesome.

  10. I love your recaps! I agree with everything including gratuitous shoulder shot of the Viking!

  11. BRAVO recap!! As usual. Yeah Sookie, that’s a REAL hero.
    AMEN! Can’t wait for tomorrow!! And your recap next week! Thanks!

  12. hahaah I so loved this recap, yes, alex was so great in this episode and the tank top..there are no words lol. you mentioning sarah connor had me in tears lmao. and tim!! you are made of awesome!!
    I agree, abusive and boring bill, lame suckie and maryann and company are boring. time to stop please.

  13. You made me LOL.
    This was quite amusing to go through.
    You pointed things out that I never really thought about before.
    Like Bill’s abusive mannerisms.
    He really is a douche bag.
    I look forward to your future posts.

  14. I always love your reviews. You always do such a superb job. 😀

  15. Amazing job, as usual!

    I’m still laughing at those caps of Anna/Sookie. That girl really needs to watch her facial expressions – overacting much? Lol.

  16. Okay-you’re character analysis of Bill and Sookie are correct. Their characters are not as mature and interesting as we would like them to be, and their relationship might not be as great as most hollywood relationships are made out to be-but could you stop with the insults? I mean “Billdo” and “Sucky.” You insult everything about them. Please leave the insults to the Eric fans who post on Facebook. Considering that you are analyzing every aspect of the episode-insults are not necessary within that context.

    • Besides the insults-I did enjoy your analysis. I forgot to mention that in my first post. 🙂

    • *Shrug* I’m entitled to nicknames on my blog. I’ve given a ton of nicknames that are not so nice to a lot of characters, not just Bill and Sookie. Hell, Bill even called Sookie ‘Sucky’ in episode 3 of last season when he had fangs in…

      A lot of what I write is done for humour and sarcasm. I don’t insult Bill and Sookie, I critique them.

      ~simba_317

  17. Excellent stuff. It’s witty, extremely funny and I love it how you seem to know facts about so many random subjects!

    Also, yes. Favourite episode. Godric ROCKS, and I’m not saying this the fangirlish way. I love the character and the charisma the guy has, and the chemistry between him and Eric. It’s just priceless.

    I really really wish HBO would’ve gotten the fans’ reaction to this character before they made any further decisions of his destiny… sigh.

  18. As usual, great review 🙂

  19. Your blog, your review, your opinion.
    If it offended me, I wouldn’t read it…
    BUT I LOVE IT!! Keep bringing it, because as
    always, you are right on the money!

    Especially loved the cap with ‘The Eric is not Amused” and “They have sex again”…hahahahahahaha FABULOUS!!!

    T-shirt>Shoulders>arms>Oh baby> ‘nuf said

  20. I knew you would be thinking of that Rogue and Gambit clip but just in case I had to send it 😀 It’s almost like they tore that right out of the comic 🙂 I have to go for now but I wanted to see if you used the clip. I will be back to read the whole post later. Can’t wait for tonight!!!!!

    • LOL. Thanks so much. The next recap will have a post dealing with Rogue and Gambit again. I just need to see if I can find the comic. *Scours the net*

      ~simba_317

  21. You make me laugh! You’re recaps are always creative and fun!

  22. Fabulous review.. you have me giggling about it all morning…

  23. Love it….we are on the same page with this one. Homoerotic – oh yeah! Domestic violence – big time. Sookie needs to grow some balls – indeed! Eric and Sookie – she does not deserve him but the sex would be awesome :}

  24. Great Recap as always! I’ve seen this ep so many times now, i had to scroll through the MA/Tara/Eggs scenes. But the Eric/Godric scenes….to die for. Thanks for the awesome caps & comments.

  25. OH MY GOD!

    you’ve managed to mention all my obsessions in one single post!

    LOTR!
    Labyrinth! generation Kill
    X-MEN! Gambit/Rogue! RIGGINS!
    ERIC the best vampire and the hottest thing on the true blood universe

    and LOST:The jackfaces, jacko being all abussive with Kate, and sawyer’s famous ‘SON OF A BITCH!’ line!

    And may I add there’s nothing better than seeing random pictures of SAWYER, RIGGINS AND MR NORTHMAN while you’re reading a true blood recap!

    you’re GOD!

    I’m going to be checking your site every day now! lol

  26. Must of checked this site like every hour yesterday looking for your review I was so anxious. You didn’t disappoint. I read it last nite while hubby was sleeping and giggled so much woke him up! I love your chacractr analysis of Sookie and Bill and I so agree. I love that you make me think about why I don’t like them. As much as I like/obses over this show I am so disappointed with the writing of these 2 characters.

    On another note I sooo love the job the actress portraying Lorena is doing! She is amazing!

    Did you write recaps of season 1 and if so where can I find them?

    • Sorry, I only started the recaps this season. That being said, it’s definitely something I’ll be getting into doing some time during the hiatus…

      ~simba_317

  27. Mommy’s back!!! Another excellent recap 🙂 Btw I met Stark Sands & Jon Huertas (Espera) a few wks ago in Central Park. I was such a fangirl meeting them but I couldn’t help it- LOVE GK!!

  28. As always your recap is the best! Someone should tell Jason who Judas is and can I just tell that “the sexy Vampire” makes my heart melt. I’m happy that there’s a lot of Eric scenes in this episode BUT I just don’t get the idea why Eric has to call Lorena, it doesn’t make sense to me. Eric can have Sookie whenever, where ever and he doesn’t need any help from Bill’s maker..duh!

  29. Total fuckawesome shazzam!!! Loved the recap. Laughing the whole way through it!! Thank you for not taking the ‘completely grossed out’ thought for Daphne’s heart. (relating it to Bambi was even better)
    Also the most memorable bit for me atm is “Oh look! There’s a place for your hands…” I would love to run my hands down those shoulder blades but methinks I would either need to stand on the white chair beside him or get AS to bend down for me to reach (I’m exceptionally small). I like both ideas, but prefer the idea of AS bending over for me just fantastic…

    Anyways wonderful recap, you truly make me laugh and love all your comments because we are similar minded (Sookie needs to stop being so stuck on Bill, Bill is a complete ass and needs to have a stake driven through whatever semblance of a heart he has left [not Lor Lor], Lorena rocks and shouldn’t want Bill so much…he isn’t all that great darling! MaryAnn/Tara/Eggs/Sam parts are just BOR-ING! Godric has some amount of power for a small young fella [though being small I know all about having to show your power through other ways to make up for your lack of height] and Jason is just too funny and a complete Man-whore, but you gotta love the protective brother and paintball to the hand and head!!! And of course…Eric is just perfect the way he is!)
    xx

  30. I love your recaps. I have such a blast reading them and I can’t stop laughing. I’m glad someone else can express much of what I love & loathe in True Blood. And I loved all the GK, X-men, etc… references. LOL!

    Alex certainly was great in this episode. So was Lorena, I can’t believe I would sympathize with her when I thought she was just evil in the books. The actress does a great job, especially with the one-liners.. .. loved the ‘blah, bla-blah, bla-blah’ line. I’m also happy when Alexander Woo is the writer.

    Also, the insight on the differences between Eric’s and Bill’s maker-child relationships are so right-on. I guess it tells a lot about each of their characteristics. I wish I could post your blog on facebook or something for more TB fans to read. =) Looking forward to the next recap.

  31. Loooved the GK referances in this one! lol..I truly love that series and knew every time you included a GK line…made me feel all shmoopy inside! I dont get offended at any of your recaps…fuck-it…its YOUR re-caps, & YOUR opinion everyone’s reading..I say keep it up, seriously…I look foward to these every week…Thanks!

  32. * “Godric is also interesting in that he’s a Jesus/God figure. We all know that the bible says ‘an eye for an eye’…Godric’s killing of Gabe definitely echoed that. Justice.”

    not to be too particular, but an eye for an eye is old testament. Jesus is new testament, a new contract with humanity. Forgiveness rather than the old “eye for an eye” behaviour.

    * ” Didn’t you always find it interesting that they call a congregation a flock? And they also call a group of sheep, a flock? And the connotations that a ‘flock of sheep’ has?”

    allllso, a flock of sheep tends to follow a shepherd who (when he is good) can watch over them and keep them out of danger. not too different from the vampires with their sheriffs. seems everyone there needs some order, eh?

    * I actually liked Lorena’s hair. Curly hair is gorgeous, and Lorena is a doll — a crazy doll, but still a doll.

    *I agree with you on questioning Sookie’s behaviour with Lorena. She was so Best of Jerry Springer show with that mess. I mean she had never even met Lorena and she was so sure about everything she was saying. Beyond crazy. And, I mean, geez, why cause a scene? It’s already been a tense night. *ROLL*

    * Thanks for the fab recap as always. Your references are always so hilarious.

  33. I am new to reading your blog. Your recap of episode 7 was my first but I have to say I’ve becomed hooked on your writing style as well as your ability to make me laugh and agree with you on almost every single point!

    I loved the Rogue/Gambit comparison. I’ve been a huge Gambit fan since the 6th grade.

    Also love the term ‘Billdo’ and I’m going to steal it and start using it now. 😛

  34. Has anyone told Sookie that any vampire can kill her in the blink of an eye? Clearly she needs some reminding. The death of a human is just an inconvvenience to the vampires. Ugggh…why can she be more like the Sookie in the books. GASP! I swore to myself I would never compare the books and the show, but darnit I did! Sookie in the books is strong without being a bitch. She understands the power of the vampires. She also has a better interaction with Eric. I wish they’d followed the book on tis one. You know, let Bill screw up, have Sookie show some backbone and head right to the airport. Ugggh.
    As always, great recap guys!!!!

    • LOL. I know, I feel that way too. I really wish Sookie had as much strength as she did in the books. I feel that last episode was a big revelation for her and that she will be growing up though.

      ~simba_317

  35. LMAO @ “Bildo”. I have to say, even my dear husband(who only watches because I do, of course) asked me the other week, ‘when is Sookie going to get together w/Eric and drop Bill?’

    Love your reviews. Looking forward to your take on Sunday’s show…that should be interesting….

  36. Simba, I’ve taken to re-reading youre recaps and I am simply dying for a new one. 😉

  37. True words, some true words man. Thx for makin my day!

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