Eric’s Hair Evolution

In celebration of the two days until True Blood airs, I give you a fun little article on the often maligned, debated and talked about thing: Eric’s hair and what happened.

When True Blood started last year. Many of us were anticipating with bated breath our first look at Eric Northman. What would he look like? Would he live up to our expectations? We remembered Charlaine’s words in Dead Until Dark:

The vampire he’d indicated was handsome, in fact, radiant; blond and blue-eyed, tall and broad shouldered. He was wearing boots, jeans, and a vest. Period. Kind of like the guys on the cover of
romance books. He scared me to death.

It took four episodes before we even got a glimpse! We got this:

It was kinda like *drool* …He looked even better close up. So what if he’s not wearing just a vest? He’s certainly blond and blue-eyed, tall and broad shouldered. Hell, Eric is a Viking vampire, they hired a Swedish guy to play him, Alexander Skarsgard. It couldn’t be more awesome!

Until…wait a minute! His hair is supposed to be long! Not shoulder length! LONG! Like Jerry Cantrell long!

And they didn’t have Eric in the next two episodes and it was sort of a drag. Like, where’s Eric? Where!? Finally, we saw him in Episode 7.

O.o What. The. Fuck!? What did they do to the hair!?

Episode 8 started out alright…

This sort of distracted us from the true crime though…here:

Let me show you the full extent of the crime:

Did they sit on his hair and leave it out in the rain or something!?

*GASP* They DID! Oh Noes!

*Gives Eric a hug* It’s gonna be okay! Right?

Eric…Eric?

Well, by Episode 9, even Pam wasn’t impressed.

ERIC: Tell  me Pam, does it get better?

PAM: …Umm…

ERIC: Great…

PAM: There’s a second season…

ERIC: There’s that.

However, we weren’t out of the woods.

ERIC: Pam sent me deep moisturizing conditioner.

BILL: It could be worse.

ERIC: …

ERIC: …Yeah…definitely.

BILL: I’m from the Civil Wah…err…War, Civil War. Is this a challenge? If so…

BILL: BRING IT ON!

ERIC: Oh it’s been brought in!

ERIC: I even have a posse.

PAM: Compton, prepare to go down!

ERIC: I need more conditioning, but I can win this thing…

Cue epic staredown!

BILL: That will be your greatest folly!

PAM: My master can take you even with a bad hair day!

BILL: You are SOOO up his butt and he is SOOO going down.

PAM: You’re just jealous because you have no hair benefits on your paycheck!

ERIC: Face it Bill, you’re gonna lose.

BILL: Please.

BILL: Let’s take this to the Court of Public Opinion, MERLOTTE’S!

ERIC: Fine.

PAM: He picked a stupid back water bar. We have this in the bag! They’ve never seen a 6’5″ Viking up in this joint!

SOOKIE: What is going on?

BILL: An epic hair showdown.

SOOKIE: Umm…okay…

BILL: I can win this thing! Don’t worry.

TARA: You might wanna pay attention to the competition…

Eric strikes a pose!

BILL: Dammit! They’ve never seen a 6’5″ Viking in this bar. Time to get dirty.

BILL: Shifter, as owner of this establishment, name me victor of the better hair!

SAM: Say what? And why is Eric’s croney back here too?

CHOW: To make sure the competition is fair…and by fair, I mean Vampire fair, not human fair.

BILL: Whatever. Now what’s your answer, Shifter?

SAM: I’m thinking REALLY hard…and it’s just like…hmm…NO.

Meanwhile…

PAM: Cast your vote for Eric Northman. Here’s a cutesy flyer for Ladies’ Night. You’ll get free drinks if you vote for Eric Northman. That’s right, free drinks.

DUDE 1: I like drinking…

DUDE 2: I don’t know, bro…his hair’s kinda whack. Like who wears it like that anymore. It’s like so 1000 seasons ago.

ERIC: You wanna say it to my face, bro? Hmm?

PAM: His hair will never look whack another day, that’s for sure. Silly mortal.

ERIC: Say it, I dare ya…

BILL: These idiots won’t settle this. We have to take it to the big guns, the Magistrate.

ERIC: I can dig that.

ERIC: The Magistrate and I go way back.

ERIC: And I’m fabulous.

So now we go to Episode 10…

MAGISTRATE: We are gathered here today to determine which vampire’s hair is slightly less unfortunate.

MAGISTRATE: In the first corner, we have mainstreaming vampire, Bill Compton.

MAGISTRATE: And in the next, we have thousand year old, Viking vampire, your sheriff of Area Five…

MAGISTRATE: Eric Northman.

ERIC: You’re going down Bill…

ERIC: Now can we please hurry up, this wind is really bad for my hair.

MAGISTRATE: Of course.

MAGISTRATE: Eric wins.

BILL: WHAT!?You gotta be kidding me!

MAGISTRATE: He got me a nice place up in Transylvania way back when…the crypts in that castle are off the hook!

Well, by Episode 11, things seemed to be looking up for Eric after he ‘won’…

ERIC: Don’t look so glum. When you get older, you’ll have awesome connections too.

ERIC: Face it, you’ve been out vamped.

ERIC: And Pam’s conditioner has finally kicked in.

BILL: *mumbles* Wait until you read Season Two…

ERIC: What was that? Hmm?

BILL: Nothing, nothing…

ERIC: It’s good being me…

Eric’s glory lasted into Episode 12…Of course, his hair still suffered from the incident with the rain and the sitting…but hey…things still looked good.

ERIC: If you think it looks fabulous now, wait until Season Two, Pam hooked me up with an awesome beautician.

BILL: Oh we’ll see…we’ll see…

ERIC: See you next season, sucker.

So we, like Eric thought that things would be looking up for Season 2…Until we saw this:

O.o. OH NO THEY DID’INT! Eric’s hair isn’t long anymore, it isn’t even shoulder length! What happened!?

The news came out slowly…We got this…at first we thought it was hope…

But clearly something was wrong…and when we found these, the picture was complete:

The beautician was a cad! They worked for the Fellowship of the Sun, luring vampires! They put silver foil in his hair for hilights, they burned him with a silver cross, they even poured silver shampoo into his eyes! Oh no!

One thing’s for sure, Eric doesn’t take this! Oh no! Eric is mad!

And there will be punishment.

We weren’t sure we liked the look…but then we saw this…

And was like…yeah, we can live with that…

Regardless, Eric left us wanting more last season and he will come back strong and he’ll win us over if he hasn’t already done so. That’s a promise!

*Lick and a promise…he gives the ladies a lick and a promise…*

I’ll have you know that’s an Aerosmith song about winning over the audience…

Anyway…

Happy Season 2! Hope you enjoyed me insanity!

Thanks to marishna from LJ for all the caps, scooby for the vids I capped, bluebear for the gif and skarsgardfans.tk for the pics I used.

~simba_317

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37 Responses to “Eric’s Hair Evolution”

  1. Simba ..too funny..you did great!!

  2. Really a riot!

  3. Hilarious! *Wiping tears from eyes & rubbing stomach from laughing so much*

    =^..^=

  4. Thanks you guys!

    ~simba_317

  5. ROFL!! That was awesome, simba!

  6. You have WAY too much time on your hands, Simba! [but who am I kidding, it’s great!]

  7. One of the cleverest things I have seen in a long time. Way to go Simba!

  8. Simba, This is so clever. I laughed my ass off. Thank you.

  9. Ahahahahaha! I laughed. I cried. I laughed so hard I cried. Too funny. 🙂

  10. Very clever. I actually giggle snorted at

    “Well, by Episode 9, even Pam wasn’t impressed.”

    Thanks. It was well worth the effort. You’re a funny, funny fan!

  11. Freaking awesome! Eric wins again!

  12. This almost made a cry from laughing while at work. Thanks much for all the hard work 🙂

  13. OMFG I CANT STOP LAUGHING!!!!!

    kudos from chile!

  14. This is fucking GREAT!!I do like the new hair better than the wierd wig thing lol

  15. I just laughed my ass ou with these two remarks from Pam:
    [i]PAM: My master can take you even with a bad hair day!
    PAM: You’re just jealous because you have no hair benefits on your paycheck![/i]

    That Pam… =P

    Simba, total awesomeness!
    Thanks for sharing.
    You just my day!

  16. Great spoof! Hilarious! LOL!

  17. I love it!

  18. Simba I had to read this again. It’s to funny. Sending to my sis (the make up artist) she is gonna die!!!

  19. THANKS! that was really funny. good job.

  20. simply hilarious.

  21. I laughed so hard at this!!! Favorite lines: “ERIC: I even have a posse.”
    and “BILL: Shifter, as owner of this establishment, name me victor of the better hair!”

  22. haha nice one
    it didn’t sound trashy at all
    it actually followed the flow of the story
    (:
    nicely done

  23. giggles thats funny I love Eric’s hair no matter what in the latest book its short so thats fine with me

  24. OMG…I’m crying and my jaw hurts…I’m going to link this! This is the best ever!!!

  25. im still viping my tears, i vant more. waa haa haa!!

  26. oh my god i loved this XD i am cracking up so happy i read this and i just sent it to half my friends

  27. tee hee, this was great! thanks for posting. I love that your recaps and posts are filled with photos! It makes it like I’m actually watching the show.

    BTW – any of you guys find it funny that in the books, vampires cannot change their appearance at all, but in the TV series, they can? AS in, in the book, Bill was stuck with a civil war haircut, sideburns, etc – bc vampires’ appearance can’t change from when they are turned. See – this would be a good excuse as to why Bill’s (St. Moyer) hairdo sucks so super much in the show, but they have no excuse now. His physical portrayal has gotten worse and worse. I love AS’s hair short, but would looove to see him with Eric length hair someone on the show. With nordic braids. And him in a suit. And of course, him in pink tights at the Maenad orgy, too.

    And another book to show differences… and I’m totally digressing now… (WARNING!) NC-17 moment here… if vampires shed blood when they cry, what do they do shed when they orgasm? Couldn’t they just bottle the ‘excess’ and have a very profitable and regulated V supply trade? Hehe!

  28. I still laugh so very hard at this. It’s a classic “epic hair showdown” indeed.

  29. Hilarious lol

  30. PAM: My master can take you even with a bad hair day!
    BILL: You are SOOO up his butt and he is SOOO going down.
    PAM: You’re just jealous because you have no hair benefits on your paycheck!
    ERIC: Face it Bill, you’re gonna lose.
    —-
    TARA: You might wanna pay attention to the competition…
    Eric strikes a pose!
    BILL: Dammit! They’ve never seen a 6′5″ Viking in this bar. Time to get dirty.

    HAHAHAHAH I can even heard their dialogs with their own voices LMAO!!!

  31. […] Wanna see, version 1? *Click here* […]

  32. definitely ROFLMAO! you are just sooo good simba! keep em comin! 😉

  33. So funny, very entertaining!

  34. that is the FUNNIEST thing i’ve ever seen in my entire life.

    FANTASTIC!

  35. […] it’s only 5 days until Eric’s Hair Evoltion II: Bigger In Dallas! Make sure to read Evolution I first. And one last pimp for my special […]

  36. Excellently done! The sad thing is that I would have rather seen this storyline than the maenad one from season 2. *sigh*

    Anyhow, congratulations, that was so funny!

  37. very very awesome. i haven’t laughed that hard in a while. you got it spot on, i could hear their voices too.
    half of me is glad the wig s gone, it was truly horrific. the other half of me wishes alexander skarsgard had been able to grow his hair, but he just finished generation kill so no chance.
    *walks off sniggering*

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