Because Clip Shows Suck, Part I

Alright! The finale airs on Sunday and before then, I’m going to give MY version of a clip show…because well…clip shows suck! I had wanted to make a clip show of the entire first and second season…However, I didn’t take into account how tired I would be getting back into the groove for university. My time table is a little off from waking up past noon every day and I’m just not into the groove yet for sucking down caffeine, going to classes and doing homework yet. Oh and balancing that with rec time. When I get home, I’m tired and while I had planned to get a head start on this recap…other things got in the way…Like seeing my friends after months. I mean…dammit, I missed them! It was like I have a two hour break to start on the recap…OMG! You’re back from Japan! Talk to me! OMFG! You almost lost a limb! Tell me you’re okay! AHH! How was Paris? ‘I don’t have ADD…OOOH! Cookie!’ I underestimated how swamped I’d be this week.

EBCM told me I was crazy to take on such a monumental task…and now I see her point lol.

Baring that in mind, I apologize for not going as far as I had planned, but I did promise a clip show. So, I’ve decided to give you the first four episodes of season one to look back on. As you know, I’m a longtime fan of Lost and every year, fans organize rewatches during the hiatus. I’ve decided to make the clip show how an ongoing thing during the hiatus when True Blood doesn’t air. It will be something I’ll release at different points during the hiatus, a little clip show of a grouping of four episodes in season one. So you can expect at least two more clip shows during the hiatus, Because Clip Shows Suck, Part II, featuring Episodes 5 to 8 and Because Clip Shows Suck, Part III, featuring Episodes 9 through 12. Because Clip Shows Suck, Part IV will be a greatest hits of all of Season 2. When I complete Part IV, I’ll merge all the Clip Shows into one big clip show. It will be much more manageable for me.

People have been asking if I will ever recap Season One…I said I would over the hiatus. Please know that it is a monumental effort for one recap and to be honest, I just don’t have the time during the school year. The great thing about True Blood is that it airs in the summer when I have the time. That being said, I still want to cover the first season and the clip show is one way I’ll do it. I’m not saying I’ll never do a full recap for episodes in season one…I probably will eventually, but for the foreseeable future…I’m quite busy. So here’s what I’ll do…once I have Christmas break, I’ll set up a poll of the Season One episode you guys most want to see recap’d and I’ll recap that episode. I’ll also set that up for my Reading Week in February.

We will take a look at the first season…and with the gift of hindsight…look into these first four episodes!

On to the CLIP SHOW!

One year ago…True Blood premiered and one year later, we are on the cusp of the second finale. Our world is first introduced by a pair of twenty-something preppies driving in No-Wheresville. The first thing that happens? The girl rubs one out for her sleeping boyfriend. BTW, True Blood will have sex in it! Could you be more blatant?

Stopping in some convenience store that stocks True Blood…because drinking True Blood has replaced swallowing goldfish in all college dorms…we learn that the vamps have come out of the coffin and can sustain themselves on a synthetic blood engineered by the Japanese called ‘TruBlood’ and if you can read Chinese or Japanese ‘Authentic Blood’. We learn that the American populace are more than a little bit weary of their bloodsucking neighbours and the vamps are established as a representation of a minority group in the USA. Oh and we meet that cold hard bitch, Nan Flanagan.

The SoCal yuppies want to try the True Blood, because they are cool like that. Note the gun toting redneck in the back.

They get told off by the vampy store clerk who has a laugh at the expense of a bunch of whiney, rich sycophants.

But the joke’s on HIM! PRODUCT PLACEMENT! The Redneck is a vamper, and if you pretend to be a vamp again, you are DEAD.

Welcome to True Blood!

Meet Sookie Stackhouse, your normal everyday girl, employed as a barmaid. BTW, she’s a telepath.

Meet Tara Thorton, blunt, witty, sarcastic, smart and unemployed. Yes, your outfit is fucking hideous! We used to watch for you, Tara.

Meet Mack and Denise Rattray, the town trash. Yes, he is thinking crude thoughts with his wife RIGHT there.

Meet the VERY Fabulous Lafayette Reynold. Short order cook and survivor extraordinaire.

He is SOOOO onto Sookie slutting it up for tips. Meet Arlene Fowler, also certified Whiskey Tango, Sookie’s co-worker. Laffy and Arlene make Sookie uncomfortable and if you didn’t get it. YES, Sookie has a V-card.

Meet Jason Stackhouse, Sookie’s older brothers. He is having issues because the vampires are encroaching on his pussy. Maudette Pickens here…She banged a vampire and she liked it! She’s even got the marks to prove it.  Jason is ignorant and racist towards vampires. Yes, you will see him naked a LOT.

Meet Sam Merlotte, bar owner, Sookie’s employer and long harbourer of feelings for Sookie. Poor unrequited love!

OH LOOK! What!? It’s a vampire! The first vampire in Merlotte’s OMFG! Meet Bill Compton, vampire. Before he was whiney, selfish and annoying, he was mysterious and cool. What happened? It’s all downhill from here, people!

Cue Crazy Sookie! Sookie is all over this like a fangbanger. She likes Bill because he’s a vamp.

Bill will still hit that.

Maudette watches her vampire sextape with Jason, trying to get him off on it. Jason is very uncomfortable with vampires.

Mack and Denise sidle up to Bill…why he allows this, I have NO idea. I just know that Bill isn’t THIS dumb. Honestly, they’re only after one thing…

Being that she is telepathic, Sookie hears that the Rats are drainers! Oh Noes! She is a dogooder and she is going to save Bill! Fuck it all!

While screwing Maudette vamp style, like she likes it, a little birdie watches on…

How the mighty have fallen! A few silver necklace chains later and Bill is ripe for the picking. Silver makes vampires weak. It is also indicative of age on this show or ‘fang’ size…

Sookie fights of Mack and Denise. Remember when she was kinda like Buffy and not a little woman?

Sookie and Bill make small talk. This is when they used to have chemistry. This is also when we learn that Sookie can’t hear Bill. OOOH!

Tara gets a job tending bar…this is to look out for Sookie along with Sam. She also has a HUUUUUUGE crush on Jason.

Sookie comes home and she meets her Gran. We learn that Gran has given up on great-grandchildren from Sookie, she just doesn’t want her to die a spinster.

That night, Sookie has a dream that Bill is waiting all stalkery under her window…this is four books too early btw.

Sookie thinks they’re gonna do it. Bill wants her blood.

The next day, Sookie is suntanning and the main conflict is set up between the siblings. Jason is a racist. Sookie is not. Jase is upset that she went after the Rats. Sookie did it out of common human decency to everyone.

During lunch, we learn that Maudette Pickens has been murdered! And because nothing ever happens, this is like fuckawesome! We learn that she had fang marks. Jason is quick to blame the vampires. Sookie is not. Adele learns about the modern words like ROFLCOPTER, pwned, LOL and fangbanger.

Sookie overhears that something is UP with Jason. Suspicious…Did he do it?

Well, it’s not looking up when Sheriff Dearborn comes and has to take him in, while he’s out working, for suspicion…

Adele asks Sookie to ask Bill if he’d get Bill to make an appearance for the Descendants of the Dead. They’re Civial War buffs and Southerners, you know.

Sookie is not having a good night. You know, with everyone freaking over Jason getting taken in?

Good thing Bill comes in. See that spotlight? Yes, this is a MOMENT. You are supposed to PAY ATTENTION. So DO IT. THOU SHALT NOW LIKE THIS COUPLE AND BE INVESTED. GOT IT?

Sookie asks Bill to do the Descendants of the Dead thingy with this fandom’s version of Standard Black…They decide to meet after Sookie’s shift. Meanwhile, Sookie becomes the talk of the town. Long before she wore stripperific pharmacist jackets, she created a show.

Sam flips out on Sookie like her dad for hanging with the vampire and being reckless. Yes, Sam was Dad Figure No. 1 on this show for Sooks. Oh and Sookie also picks up on the fact that Sam is in love with her. Telepath you know?

Sookie also flips out on Tara because she gets on her ass for being reckless, by hitting below the belt by throwing her feelings for Jason in her face.

Sookie storms off shift to wait for Bill.

Only she meets the Rats instead, who attack her for busting their business! This is why normal people should never interfere in the drug trade.

That dog from the premiere makes a cameo as Mack is about to end it all! He’s got a gun.

However, before he can do anything, he is tossed around by Hurricane Bill and he’s lying all prone a la Flight 815 Pilot in some trees after Smokey makes some carnage. Denise is taken care of similarly.

Back at the police station, the cops show Jason the clip of him having sex with Maudette they found, showing Maudette playing dead and then Jason freaking out and leaving, proving that Maudette was alive once Jason left. Jason is obviously relieved.

We learn that the cops know that Maudette had sex with a vampire based on the evidence on her body. We also get the first hints that Jason is being framed, after all, he’s too dumb to get away with murder. This is because the tapes of Maudette having sex with the skinhead vamp are missing.

Bill feeds Sookie his blood, so she won’t die…to save her life. Isn’t it convenient that he just happened to be late…that the Rats just happened to be there and attack her? Not to mention that the Rats are dead…Sookie can’t delve into their heads to know if they were glamoured to do so or not. Dead men tell no tales.

We get the first hints that Tara’s life is shitty. Her mom is passed out on the couch and she begs Laffy to take her to a party to get her away from it all.

Jason seeks comfort in the form of Dawn’s boobs. The one thing he is good at in life is sex.

Sookie wakes up surprised that she’s still alive. Bill has saved her life…and licked blood off her forehead…Hmmm…he’s formed a full blood connection with Sookie in about the first 24 hours they met. Bill admits that Sookie tastes different. She reveals that she’s a telepath. Do telepaths taste differently?

We learn how Sookie handles her telepathy. Most people suspects she’s different or crazy, they suspect she has powers, but refuse to acknowledge them. She’s pretty much shunned and a lonely outcast. She rarely dates, because men are pigs. Sookie learns first hand the healing power of V…and that it is a secret that had better stay a secret.

Tara does end up at the party…but she’s not IN with the crowd and she chases off a suitor before things can really happen, with her sarcasm that no one gets.

Sookie invites Bill to talk to the Descendants. He accepts. Bill goes all old fashioned and asks if he can call on Sookie. Sookie is into that.

The next day, Tara and Jason pop over for breakfast. Sookie and Tara make up. BTW, Sookie now has superhuman senses from the V. Gran pops in with big news! The Rattrays have died in a tornado! Yes, Gran delivers all the news in Bon Temps, the gory parts anyway. If it ain’t gory…it ain’t news.

Sookie sees the disaster site. Why she wants to date the guy who created Hurricane Bill on the Rattrays and killed them, I don’t know. Like Ooh! This guy kills people who don’t like me! He’s a catch! She also gets questioned by law enforcement who show up and wonder why the destruction was created in such a way…after all…tornadoes hop.

Later that night, Bill is invited to come to the house to meet Sookie’s family. We learn that vamps have to be invited in. Jason doesn’t like Bill and his racist colours shine through. Gran is just almost morbidly fascinated with Bill. Sookie is into him too. She’s also wearing a dress from the Junior’s department that really does NOT fit well.

Even though Jason doesn’t want it to happen, Sookie ends up taking a walk with Bill. Bill admits that he DID dispose of the Rattrays, that vamps get stronger as they age and more adept at hiding shit, like dead bodies. Sookie is still into him. She also points out the Not!Tornado to Bill. I don’t know where Sookie gets off on thinking Bill is such a great, good and humane guy…I mean, within 36 hours of the time they met, he already killed two people and admitted he did it. Pretty much for vengeance.

Bill basically shoves the murders under the rug, because he saved Sookie’s life and gave her his blood, which means Sookie has to be grateful for that and so questioning the murders and stuff, well, she shouldn’t do that because she should be grateful. Oh and all Bill’s blood does is give you keener senses and an increased libido. (Other side effects include attraction to said vampire. I would say that’s proportional to blood intake too…)

Jason and Tara bond over Sookie and cuddle. Tara is doing inner backflips, trying to be cool on the outside.

Bill attempts to glamour Sookie, but can’t. Sookie calls him out on not liking that because he can’t control her. Umm…DUH! ANVIL. Sookie has been an outcast all her life hearing the thoughts of others. Dealing with it has been more than difficult, especially hearing the thoughts of her mother, who didn’t want to acknowledge it. What is Bill’s special power? Bringing Sookie back to life. No, he can’t fly.

Bill and Sookie kiss, but it’s oh-so-angsty! when his fangs pop out. OH NO! Forbidden love! Gag me now! Bill walks Sookie home.

Come dawn, Dawn ties up Jason to the bed and he ain’t getting out. See how bondage will get you into trouble? It’s already gotten Jase into trouble twice…

In the bar, Sookie’s having a bad night, because the vamp blood has overactivated the psyches…Sam talks to her and ends up inviting her to visit his mind any time…Hmmm…

Dawn and Tara end up exchanging barbs over Jason. Ie. Uncool nerd with the best intentions for Jock in mind while the Skank uses him!

Sookie ends up meeting the neighbours at Bill’s when she comes over to deliver him some names and rates contractors who are willing to work on his house. Let’s just say the neighbours are not the good kind. You are the company you keep…Sheesh. This Bill is quite the catch…

Malcolm, Diane and Liam drag Sookie into the house and want to eat her. Save her, Bill! Save her! Bill just kinda sits in the corner doing nothing as we’re aware of how shitty the situation is…there’s two V-addcit fangbangers with them. One has hit the wall harder than Lindsay Lohan.

Just when things look bad, Bill saves the day and utters the immortal lines: “Sucky is MAHN!’  And like a safeword, the action stops!

Bill gets roped into feeding from a hot dude after the whole ‘mahn’ thing but Sookie stops him because he’s a V-addict with a vengeance and wants to kill vamps with his Hep-D infected blood. Now it’s time for the 3 Vampigoes to punish Jerreh! Hate to ruin your furniture, we’ve got plastic over ours…Soo…TTYL!

Bill explains the whole Hep-D and ‘mahn’ thing to Sookie. He just said it so that the Vampigoes would lay off her. The ‘mahn’ thing means that only Bill can feed from her. Oh and some time after Bill dumped Lor-Lor, he banged Diane. Like the books, we learn that vamps that live in nests become more evil because they egg each other on, while loner vamps retain more of their humanity. Like Bill. He’s doing a great job. He wants to kiss Sookie, but she’s like…after that? Umm…no. She leaves. Yeah, Sookie used to have backbone.

Sam and Tara bond over unrequited love and keeping the object of their affections unattainable.

Jason pretends to be a vampire rapist and ends up having sex with Dawn.

Sookie is all shellshocked by the events over at Bill’s, but Bill won’t leave her alone, he wants to make sure she came home alone. Sookie is a bit freaked because she can’t hear Bill’s thoughts. She also learns that Bill is kept alive by magic. All in all, Sookie has had a very rough time and she doesn’t think they should see each other anymore. Why? Because Bill’s not alive, killed a lot of people and furthermore, she had to bury her clothes from the other night so her Gran wouldn’t find out. That’s why!

Tara and Sam end up having sex because they are lonely.

Dawn and Jason have pillowtalk and Jason finds out that Dawn’s been with a vampire too. Eric, supposedly. Anyway, it makes Jason very insecure and the racism pops up again. After all…sex with Eric is unforgettable…

He’s giving her too much shit and Dawn is OVER this. She gets her gun and kicks Jason out. Redneck much?

Sookie has a dream, she wants to have sex with Bill to get it over with, because she’s a virgin. Oh and she wants to be able to sleep too.

Yes, she’s touching herself, but the cat breaks the mood. Stupid cats!

Sam barks in his sleep. *Hint**Hint*

Bill goes over to the 3 Vampigoes to threaten them. Stay away from Sucky! Sucky is MAHN! Oh and watch their whole MO. It attracts attention. Liam is not impressed. He is older than Bill. Bill’s all, ‘There are higher authorities!’ But Liam’s all ‘Eric Schmeric!’ Bill’s all ‘Even higher than Eric.’ Liam’s not afraid of her either…So basically, we’ve got a bunch of loose canons. So let’s think about this…After Lor-Lor, because I doubt Lor-Lor would let Bill fuck another vamp other than her…Bill ran into Malcolm, Diane and Liam, banged Diane and ran with them, reaping all kinds of carnage even though he told Lor-Lor the whole thing was SOOOO not him. Hmmm…

Tara splits on Sam and we learn just how bad she has it at home. Her mom is an abusive alcoholic. Poor Tara! 😦

Sookie’s afraid she might lose her head and her heart. Gran offers comfort.

Tara goes to her cousin Laffy’s to get medicated for her injuries. We learn that Laffy is a ‘survivor’ and an ‘entrepreneur’ when a state senator comes out the back after being ‘serviced.’

Sammy bonds with the dog. This is a CLUE.

Gran gives Sookie advice, that vampires are humans too. And we learn a bit about the Stackhouse family history…that there may have been another telepath in the family.

Jason is feeling more and more inadequte…so he hits up Laffy and dances for some V in a Laura Bush mask. V is even more potent than the Viagra…

Post drinking Bill’s blood, Sookie’s dreams of him are MUCH more sexually based. Her attraction to him seems much more magnified, I mean, before she was interested and even starstruck…but after drinking his blood, she was much more willing to take chase. Oh and touch herself on his porch…

Sam interrupts Sookie with a task though. To wake up Dawn, she’s late for work. Too bad she’s dead.

Compounding the issue of Dawn’s death is Jason who swings by with flowers to apologize…Its’ revealed that Dawn’s neighbour head Jason fighting with Dawn and the shots being fired…Uh oh.

The entire town comes out to mill about with Dawn’s death. There’s like nothing better to do! C’mon!

Given the circumstantial evidence, Jason is hauled off. Since Jason has V in his possession, he does the one thing he can think of to do…he chugs the whole vial.

Sam comforts Sookie but the cops need the keys to Dawn’s house. It turns out that Sam is Dawn’s landlord…Interesting…

Back at the station, Bud and Andy question Jason. Bud is a hardass and is willing to pin the murders on Jason, regardless if he actually did it. Andy seems to have a vendetta against him.

Midway through the session, Jason says he has to go to the bathroom. Why? He’s got the worst boner EVER. See, V IS potent…

The cops are wondering what’s going on when Tara shows up and says that the cops are holding Jason against the law. They haven’t charged him yet. Secondly, she can vouch for Jason because he was with her all night last night. They’re together you know? Tara lies for Jason.

Sookie comes home and Gran makes a plea for her to use her telepathy to help Jason.

With all the thoughts…Sookie is having a hard night at the bar…even though she’s doing it for her brother.

Meanwhile, Tara explains to Sam that she vouched for Jason and yes, part of that is because her feelings for him. So like…be cool Sam.

Jason can’t cool down the penis!

Jason is desperate for any relief, but he won’t be getting none, as Laffy explains! There’s no cure. But he’s got gout of the dick!

Sookie learns that Dawn and Maudette frequented a vampire bar in Shreveport and enlists Bill for help in a NOT!Date in order to help her brother. Bill agrees so Sookie cuts off work to help him.

While in the car, Sookie learns that while she looks great, she looks like vampire bait. Oops. Hey, when you prepare for a NOT!Date and wear a push up bra? C’mon dude. Oh Sookie.

Tara finds Jason prone in the fridge trying to fix his penis. I imagine this is the closest men will ever have to getting a period and having to find fucking bathrooms…Oh and they REAAAALLLY have to see a doctor for THAT.

They go into the crazy creepy place that is Fangtasia…Hey vamps like to play with puns! Sookie meets some of the snarky inhabitants…such as Pam. She’s scary, but fuckawesome!

Sookie thinks Fangtasia is like Vampire-themed Disneyland.

They go ask Longshadow if he knows if Dawn or Maudette have been around…but he doesn’t.

While sitting herself down to listen to the minds…Sookie spots a certain someone in the dead centre.

A certain tall, blond and gorgeous someone whose magnetic presence steals a room.

‘Who’s that?’ ‘Oh, you noticed him, did you?’ Can you smell the jealousy? Well, Bill’s had Sookie’s blood now, he can feel what she feels and what she feels is anything but PG for one Eric Northman…This is the episode when it became clear how bland Bill is, how uptight he is.

‘No, it’s not like that, I just…’ Oh Sookie, it’s exactly like that and we all know it! ‘Everyone does. That’s Eric. He’s the oldest thing in this bar.’ Bill is VERY bitter. This is also the point in the series where he really took a turn for me and I started being less interested in him. It was his reaction to Eric and how much jealousy and insecurity he showed and how he later punished Sookie for her waning attentions.

Eric kicks one of the vermin that get too close and another vamp named Taryn propositions him. No, Sookie, you’re not in Disneyland.

At the hospital, the doctor realizes there’s only one thing he can do…which is to insert a needle into Jason’s penis and drain out the fluid. This will hurt. By far one of the most memorable plot points in the first season. This was HILARIOUS.

Bill asks if Sookie is picking up anything…but all she’s picking up is sex.

We see Pammy deliver master a message…

‘Uh oh.’ ‘Don’t say ‘Uh oh’. Vampires are not supposed to say ‘Uh oh.’ ‘It’s Eric, he’s scanned you twice. He’s going to summon us.’ ‘He can do that?’ ‘Oh yeah.’

Eric summons and it’s like WHOA! He’s POWERFUL.

‘Bill Compton. It has been awhile.’ I don’t know what it was…but as soon as Eric appeared on the screen, he just GRABBED my attention. It was the posture, the body language and the charisma he just exuded. He had my interest piqued in a way Bill didn’t. When Bill was introduced on the show…it was an obvious THIS WILL BE THE BOYFRIEND! YOU WILL LIKE HIM! With Eric, it when we met him, it wasn’t like he was supposed to be some cosmic, destined, shoved down our throats relationship. He was just introduced as Eric. He had so much more mystery and presence. I remember after watching this episode and being totally enthralled by Eric. I wanted to know more about him, I wanted to know what made him tick. He just drew me in the same way Sawyer did when he read his letter or the same way Tim did when he was being all angsty at the diner in his white t-shirt. Just something about his presence. As you can probably tell, I champion the anti-hero and the moment one shows up, they end up making a show that much more interesting and really make a show for me, like when Derek showed up on Terminator. He added this other dimension that made the show SOOO much better. Eric was another Derek for me. And Eric was just COOL. Like Kai on BeyBlade. He’s cool, aloof, badass and mysterious and it just makes you want to know all the more.

‘I’ve been…’ ‘Mainstreaming. I heard.’ I love the way Eric just mocked Bill. Eric gets Bill to introduce Sookie to demonstrate his power, because he already knows her name thanks to Pam. It’s all to show who the alpha is and to make Bill uncomfortable.

Sookie snarks back at Eric. ‘Well, aren’t you sweet.’ ‘Not really.‘ A something is born. An interest.

Eric then snarks to Pam in Swedish. It appears their little zoo is growing. LOL. I love this duo.

Eric is displeased that Sookie has asked someone other than him for information. He is the owner of this establishment after all! ‘Miss Stackhouse, I understand you have been asking questions of some of my customers. […] If you have anything to ask, you should ask it of me.’ Large and in charge!

‘Mmm…’ Yes, he is definitely the cool vampire. ‘This one offered herself to me. I found her too pathetic for my attentions. Now this one however, I have tasted.’ Maudette, pathetic. Dawn, delicious.

Pam remembers both but didn’t have either. They weren’t really her type. LOL. And it’s just weird to take your dad’s sloppy seconds you know?

Bill is acting like an overbearing bulldog. Sookie’s more than ready to get out of the dragon’s lair….She’s like well, TTYL! Only there’s a tiny problem.

‘I’m not finished with you yet. Please, sit.’ Eric tilts his head and you KNOW it’s not a request, but an order with a clear threat.

‘Sooo…Bill, are you quite attached to your *friend*?’ LOL, Eric.

‘Sucky is MAHN!’

‘Yes, I am his.’ LOL, She’s only saying it because Eric is scary! And we, like Eric, don’t believe you!

‘Well, what a pity…for me. *Licks lips*’ He also checks her out. This was when I was like, Eric, you are pretty awesome. He just makes me smile in the way he makes people squirm and the way he messes with them because it’s fun. He’s the kind of guy you have to understand his humour to have fun with him, but when you’re part of his crew, it’s a ball.

‘Sit with us, we have catching up to do, you and I. It has been too long.’ Eric further stretching his alpha muscles.

Bill complies without complaint. Remember the days when Bill still acted like the ‘subject’ he was supposed to?

Sookie hears something with her mojo! The cops are planning a raid. She warns Eric that they have to leave.

Bill doesn’t want her to talk. Interesting…Hmm…He doesn’t want Eric to know about Sookie’s…abilities. Eric wants to know that Sookie isn’t an undercover cop…Sookie points out that she isn’t, but a guy in the bar is!

‘Even if you’re right, we do nothing illegal here.’ Oh YOU don’t…right NOW…except in The Dungeon…and it’s not a Love Dungeon either…but Taryn is in the bathroom. Poor Taryn, she should’ve used the Dungeon.

Sookie explains as such to Eric and Pam and Bill still tries to shut her up. Fortunately the raid commences.

Eric leads them out of the club and struts his stuff like it’s Fashion Week! He’s a GQ!Motherfucker!

‘I enjoyed meeting you, Miss Stackhouse. You will come again.’ Prophetic.

Cue Flashback! Why does Tara have a hopeless crush on Jason? He protected her from her abusive, alcoholic mother as a child.

Bill and Sookie are in his car enjoying his weird Cambodian music, kinda chilling. What do HQ caps tell you? That was a crazy ass push-up bra…along with some other stuff.

A cop pulls up in response to the raid at Fangtasia, he wants to ask a few questions. Sookie takes control and does the talking as she had asked Bill earlier. The situation gets heated when the cop asks to see Sookie’s neck for bite marks.

You see, Bill is already PO’d from earlier tonight and dealing with Sookie’s waning attention to him, due to Eric and also Eric finding out about Sookie’s quirk. Plus, he feels a tad of resentment towards Sookie for her feelings/lust for Eric. ‘Why don’t you ask her if you can shine it between her legs?’ See, he feels threatened by what he feels is another male, yet again, gaining one over him in the Sookie department and also because Sookie asked for control of the situation and he feels he should be in control. So he pisses off the cop and all that’s left to do is glamour him.

Bill takes the gun, it’s very creepy and Sookie is NOT liking this in the passenger seat. This is all very After School Special… Bill threatens the cop, if he does anything bad ever again, a vampire will attack him. Great. Just great. Bill is humane. He’s a good guy. Oh and this will SOOO be great for human-vamp relations…

They leave the cop in the middle of the road with his peed pants. I have to say that the cop scene was really my turning point for Bill. The second he threatened the cop and glamoured him really changed how I viewed him. It forever tainted my view on Bill. My Bad Boyfriend! Sensors went off. It’s the feeling I get when you have a girl with a guy she really should not be with because I sense that the BF is controlling and has tendencies that could lead to abuse, emotional, verbal and physical. The scene had be going ‘GET AWAY, SOOKIE! GET FAAAR AWAY!’ So I could not be surprised when later down the road, Bill started yelling at Sookie, belittling her and keeping secrets. This scene set the stage for me. His behavior in this episode set the stage for me. You are the company you keep…but I was willing to look beyond Malcolm, Diane and Liam because we aren’t our friends. Except, this episode taught me to become leery of that.

In one of the weirdest scenes, Sam breaks into Dawn’s apartment and starts writhing around the sheets and sniffing…WTF? This is called a Red Herring. But they were definitely making us think Sam was the murderer! Why? Hates vamps, gives Sookie shit for wanting a vamp BF, owns Dawn’s condo and has the keys…and also this weird sniffing incident…

Episode Four was CLEARLY the best of the first four episodes and one of the best episodes in the entire first season. The A Plots and the B Plots were both equally interesting and entertaining. I didn’t find myself bored or uninterested. It was also the episode that I felt True Blood hit its groove and also unsurprisingly, written by Brian Buckner, who along with Alexander Woo is the best writer of True Blood. Episode Four was also the episode that really hooked me into the series. A big part of that was Eric. He was like Derek in TSCC. The hook that got me. But it was also the humour that the series could take, especially through Jason.

Before I leave you…I have to tell you about a few things that struck me this week as I watched a BAFTA documentary on Lost on DocArzt’s site and how it relates to True Blood.

Here, in the first five minutes, Darlton talk about their writer’s room and how collaborative each script is. How ALL the writers hash it out, how a first draft is written by a pair of writers, read by Darlton and then given notes, then read again and given maybe more notes before it’s approved. I was struck by thinking…Wow, this is something Alan Ball just doesn’t seem to do, commit himself to the writers’ room. I mean, when you have a character like Sookie whose behavior was incredibly inconsistent from episode to episode, especially in the latter parts of the season, obviously, something is up! It lacks consistency and the easiest thing to suspect is that the writers and Alan Ball are simply NOT reading each other’s scripts. Call Season 4 of Lost, Eggtown, Kate’s trek for Jack what you will…but for the first two seasons and into the third, you can’t say that the characters on Lost ever had that weird inconsistency.

The writers’ room for True Blood appears plain lazy, to be honest. I think they need to take a ball out of the court of Lost and Battlestar Galactica and have a writers’ retreat, because they really need to make sure EVERYONE is on the same page. It could fix a LOT of things…like the DEPTH of the characters which really lack in True Blood, it’s been sacrificed for simplicity, so you know who to root for. It’s ridiculous.

Darlton continue to talk about letting the show dictate the direction it takes instead of them doing it and contriving it. They used the classic example of Michael Emerson’s casting on Lost and how they redesigned the show around Ben because the character and Michael’s portrayal was SOOO good. Four/Five seasons later, Ben is still fuckawesome and he’s been so entwined into the show, because the writers wrote it organically and utilized what they were given. We can say that True Blood did that with Nelsan Ellis and Lafayette, but what about Jessica, Pam and Eric? Those two characters should have been MUCH more embellished if the writers were writing organically. But they’re not. Maryann is awesome…in small doses, Michelle Forbes is EXCELLENT, but that doesn’t change the fact that there was WAAAAAYYY too much maenad action, doing the SAME THING over and over when time could have been spent writing the story organically and exploring Jessica, Pam and Eric.

This also shows the lack of consensus in the writers’ room. If the writers’ room was run like a tight ship, clearly they could have spotted Eggs and Tara, as well as Sookie and Bill having the same conversation a million times by episode 5, but they didn’t.

In Alan Ball’s episode, the most frightening thing was the number of plot contrivances at every turn in the episode that was used to manipulate plot, instead of paying careful attention to character. Something was lost in that episode. Alan Ball has gotten to the point in his career where he has no one to say ‘No’ to him. True Blood, especially his last episode has demonstrated how badly he needs to be reined in. Lost has this because they are on a network, True Blood doesn’t and last episode, it was flailing.

One more piece of evidence to suggest how badly the writers’ room is functioning? Kristin Bauer’s PopWatch interview on EW.

One reader asked, if there’d been a scene written for Pam and Eric after Godric’s death, how would she have handled him?
She comments on that in the Blu-ray. She says something along the line of she’s not at all surprised how Eric is reacting and how she wouldn’t have been able to keep it together as well as Eric did if something had happened to him. It was nice to see this side of Pam, she’s almost sentimental. If something happened to Eric, she’d be destroyed.

So…instead of writing a 30 second scene in Episode 11, ON THE SCREEN, to deal with this, the writers decide to give Pam commentary on a Blu-ray disc to tell us this. How sad is that? I don’t know about you, but when you have to write important character points for the SPECIAL FEATURES of a Blu-ray disc that you have to pay an inordinate amount of money for, that less than 5% of your viewing audience will shell out money for…THERE IS A PROBLEM! I mean, FFS, you’re ON HBO! People have to PAY for that. Not only that, you run and can run more than 10 minutes longer than a regular television show. There was TIME for you to address this ON television.

The showrunners of Lost, Damon and Carlton have come out and said that the ONLY things that are canon are the mobisodes, the episodes themselves and everything that is on the DVDs…Now that is fine, because what they have said on the DVDs are for the most part, commentaries on the writer’s craft. They don’t introduce important character points that should be in an actual episode! In fact, I’m rather leery calling anything in the True Blood Blu-rays canon. Like Eric’s biography from season one…it seems like something shaky that they could easily take away in later seasons, because it simply wasn’t on air. It’s something you can get away with rather easily, and FFS, Eric says he’s one thousand years old, not like 960 or whatever. For me, there’s a difference. I don’t think he’d round up and I always got the sense he had seen MORE than one thousand years.

Before going into the finale…I’m going to leave you something fun, that’s not a downer. lol. Thanks to EBCM/sawyersmine for spotting it. Losties can find Easter Eggs! Remember this poster? It afforded us to a HUGE clue for this season and was the first promo image released…waaay back in April.

Still not getting it?

What if you see this? Remind you of something?

Oh you know….

Still not convinced?

Interesting image, huh?

As has been posted, I now have to bring your attention to The Bloodie Awards! Information regarding it can be viewed here. Voting for the awards in categories such as ‘Best Eric Hair’ to ‘Best Writer’ will commence after the last recap is out.

As usual, credits go to Marishna from LJ and for the caps. I supplemented it with some of my own. The gif I found on FBL.

Hope you enjoyed!



13 Responses to “Because Clip Shows Suck, Part I”

  1. I think you’re dead on about the writing room. I was saying the same thing to my husband the other day. The characters have no consistency. It bounces all over the place. The characters, the story. And ITA with what you said about showing Maryann doing the same stuff over and over, and Sookie and Bill having the same conversations over and over, when they should have used that time to develop some of the more interesting characters.

    Thanks for taking the time to do this. I enjoyed it!

  2. Awesome, as always.
    I found your comments on that pullover/glamour scene with Bill rather interesting because that scene has always made me very uncomfortable and no matter how many times I watch it I still feel very uncomfortable.
    It never occurred to me that perhaps Bill was just channeling his frustration at being ‘talked down to’ at Fangtasia and taking it out on that poor cop. Maybe he thought it would impress Sookie? It didn’t impress me.

  3. I think AB knows the season would have been better with less MA … but he was running around a lot and scripts were late … so he says …

    Anyway, new interviews say that the writers are on like script 4 now .. and should have season 3 written before shooting any scenes … gives a little time for more conistency

    • Michelle Forbes is a big name, too and she’s a fabulous actress.
      I wonder if her contract included a certain amount of screentime? That’s the only reason I could think for them to drag her storyline out to the extreme like they did.

  4. I loved this post and totally agree with your comments about Bill. And, ITA that episode 4 was the best of that season.

  5. I so get your situation! Back to university, sleeping till afternoon, all the coffee – could be me writing! I do hope you’ll manage a second part, though, I’d love to read it!

  6. OMG Simba! Your comparison to the TB poster and the *guh* scene, is fabtabulous! *scrolls up for another look see* LOL *smoochies*

  7. Fantastic as always Simba. ITA on the writer situation and it frustrates me as if I’m a producer. Just a waste of talent and the audience’s time. Let’s hope they work better next season. Can’t wait for part II whenever you get to it!

    Thanks for these!

    • One thing. Though I love your speculation that the poster could represent Eric & Sookie, it also could represent Sookie and Bill’s nausea inducing make up sex at the beginning of the season!

  8. Great catch with Bill going downhill after Eric came onto the screen, lol. I think its very interesting because Eric is naturally suspicious due to his profession and Im almost certain, when Sookie asked to go to Fangtasia, Bill probably winced, knowing where it would get him. LOL and yeah the cop thing was waaaay overkill. It really was the beginning of the end for BS. Up until that point it was hero and heroine but after Sookie meets Eric, theres just something not right about her relationship with Bill, like Eric shows her the truth in his own unconventional way. And I too wish they would utilize Pam and Eric waaaay more. They are such wonderful characters and fan favorites. And its a travesty that Pam wont be in the finale. Just so so wrong. I can only hope next season since there is rumored to be more E and ES, that Pam comes with the package too. Great recap!

  9. Great job Simba! I’ve always been vocal that Eric got me with the “summon finger” and the slow mo of Eric and Sookie love scene was just awesome.

  10. Trueblood is my obseesion blood, death, and sex all in one ahow. It cant get any better!

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